Hugs, not Drugs

Post #301.

2005-12-04T22:42:00.000-06:00

That's right folks. 300 and counting. I had an ok weekend. Other than the fact that I told a roommate I want to move out, who told my other roommate, and it probably even got around to the third roommate. Anyway, that pretty much ended with my feeling like a pariah since my roomie who owns the house hasn't really said more than 2 words to me all weekend. It's not them. Well. Not really. I just can't stand having the roommate who lives underneath me come home late every night and wake me up and the roommate who sleeps above me get up super early every morning and stomp around like crazy. And I promise you, this girl doesn't walk so much as stomp. And drop things. And sound like she's moving furniture around every morning.

Anyway. That was that. Jessie and Angela went to see another concert (Keith Urban), which I didn't mind not being invited to since I have no idea who the guy is.

I didn't see much of Joel, but we did have a late night conversation when I told him I wanted to move out. I also had to cover the "I looked hot tonight" story with him, and he seemed greatly disappointed I had no pictures.

That was a pretty good evening. Friday. I went to the nutcracker and then a martini bar with some of the girls from work. The nutcracker was fantastic, they have really good ballet here, for being midwestern and all. The martini bar was fun, I played pool and even got some good shots in.

I was supposed to work on my project that's due this week, but I keep getting distracted by other things. I've finally sat down with it today and I think I'm at nine pages so far. I have to finish the results section (roughly another page), write a discussion (which will hopefully be another page), and then 4 tables which each get their own page. Then I'm done! So I'm hoping to have it finished early tomorrow. If I get the results done tonight, it shouldn't be too hard to pound out a discussion tomorrow morning.

Everything in my body says not tonight...everything in my body says no...

2005-12-02T09:34:00.000-06:00

I have been obsessing over tegan and sara. I love them. Even though lots of other people have no idea who they are. I'm sad I missed the performance they did here.

In other news, tonight I'm gonna look hot.

If I gave you my number...would it still be the same?

2005-11-30T22:35:00.000-06:00

Well, once again, I am up later than I should be, writing a new post instead of reading some very fascinating journal articles. It was very difficult for me to stop reading them. I should be in bed already since I'm feeding tomorrow morning, which means an early start. And then we have journal club, which normally starts around when i get done feeding, and then 2.5 hours of class. Yay for Thursdays.

I was tired today, because I went to see Ween last night at Sokol auditorium with my friend Kate. It was a pretty good show. I had much fun checking out all the cute boys. They reminded me more of the type of boy I'm used to, the kind I haven't been running into too often in Omaha. I want a punk-rock boyfriend. But not really. Not yet. It's so funny though, almost everyone, except my older sister Jen, has no idea who Ween is. I just keep saying they play weird music. Kate and I were discussing prior to the show whether all of their music is based on some sort of drug experience. We were also trying to pick out people in the crowd who were on some sort of something. I like Sokol, It reminded me of some of the places I've seen concerts in Lawrence and Kansas City back home. A little dingy, but fun.

I'm sorry, did I mention I'm tired? I'm apologizing to my blog. I have the feeling that the next week or so is going to not be very much fun since I have 2 major projects due, the Psych GRE subject exam on the 10th, and then finals the following week. Bleck! I only feel better about the whole situation with school because I feel like everyone else is as behind as I am. Which isn't really saying much. I am just getting tired of being at work from 8am-8pm. Especially when everyone else leaves around 4. Man I'm a whiner tonight, huh? I should jump on my work so I wont be rushed tomorrow morning.

Oh, I get to go to the nutcracker on friday though. That's looking to be a fun day since we also have first fridays again, and I think they finally switched the bar from Mckenna's (sp?), to somewhere better. And a bunch of the girls from work and I are going to get all dressed up and do dinner somewhere in the old market and then go to the ballet. I am so not a girl. The ballet seems like the least fun part of the evening to me. We also have put forth the idea of drinks afterwards, as well. Debauchery!

What...Will bring me home...What will make me stay, stay?

2005-11-27T16:35:00.000-06:00

Well, Thanksgiving is over. Which I suppose is a good thing, since I drank more alcohol at home than I probably have with my roommates. My Dad, my older sister, and her boyfriend went to a local sports bar on thanksgiving night. So that was interesting. We ran into 2 people I went to my undergrad school with. And it was a little strange to see them.

I was in the most awful mood all the holiday period. And I know its babyish for me to still blame it on him, but I blame Tyler. Topeka just depresses me anymore. I realized right after I got back that I didn't want to be there. The only thing that made it better was having family around for a couple of the days. I don't think it was theraputic for me to be stuck with my father for a few days.

I think I need to stop going by his work when I am there. I only went the first time because I wanted to say hi to my friends who work there. The second time, I wanted to see him. Luckily, I didn't. I don't know if he was working or not. Meh. I hate being depressed because of someone else. Well, I guess its really because of me thinking of someone else.

I saw Heath while I was back, momentarily. I was all "I just should have stayed with him. Despite the fact we only had one date." I still like him. I'm weird.

I've had some time to think about you...on the long...drive home...

2005-11-20T13:33:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's Sunday allready. Where do the weeks go? My weekend was totally wasted on my doing nothing. Friday, I had to go to a baby shower, which was ok. I really like the girl it was held for, her desk is right next to mine and she's super sweet. I just can't handle 4 hours of work people on top of my working with them every day. I think I could handle the boys from work, just not the girls. They drive me crazy with the baby talk and the husband talk. Which I'll remind you, I have neither. They also drive me nuts because they seem so unhappy here, but they aren't willing to do a thing to try and change their situation. I really am not hating grad school, not yet, but they all seem so ready to do anything else, and all they do is bitch and complain about the situation they are in. But, like I said, they aren't doing much to change the situation. Other than apply for a PhD. Weirdos.

So. Since I am an awful person and my roommates are super cool, I had one of my girl roomies, Jessie, give me a phone call to get me out of the shower a bit early. I swear, it started at 6, I was there at 5:30 (to help set up), and they would have been there till 9, when they were planning on going to see the new Harry Potter movie. I just couldn't handle it. So my roommate called at about 7:30 and said she was having car trouble so that I would have an out. I know. I am a mean mean girl. But did I ever imply differently?

So then I sat around the rest of the night and did nothing. Which was fine by me. Saturday, Kate and Melanie and Jessie and I went to get sushi. It was pretty good. We had wanted to go to Blue, but apparently, none of us realized Omaha is hopping enough that we would need to make reservations. So instead we ended up at the Kona Grill. Which was ok. I spent a lot, and I mean a lot of money on my dinner. I was all "I could have fed a family of 4 with this much money!" Yeah, but it was still great. Jessie and I had planned on seeing Walk the Line after dinner, but it didn't happen because she said she was tired. I still could have gone and watched it, or at least gone out with Kate and Melanie, but instead I sat at home, yet again. I seem to have spent a lot of this weekend sitting around on my butt.

So now I'm at school, in my office, trying to get some work done and failing miserably. I checked on the monkeys allready, I'm on call this weekend. I just have to medicate a couple of them later and go do something for Jessie, for some project for her lab. Fun fun. My life is amazing, I know.

Hmmm

2005-11-17T22:14:00.000-06:00

I am being very bad and not doing my reading for school. I should really work on it. I have a ton of stuff to do. But really I'd rather do this.

Little known facts about the Bun Hug Chick:

Likes:
The feeling after working out till I feel like I can't move.
Feeling productive (ie. doing research)
Putting on my pj's
Hugs (the bone crushing kind)
Girly movies
Ice Cream (it cures anything)
Monkies (I wouldn't want to work with anything else, even after they scream for the whole 20min I observe them)

God I'm a girl, huh?

Ok, the reverse...
Dislikes:
Feeling lazy
missing people
being in large crowds (supermarket, shopping malls, what have you)
regret
being sad

Well, I'm sure there's a bunch more...I just am not thinking real well at the minute. I'm kinda pooped.

new blog...

2005-11-15T15:38:00.000-06:00

it can be viewed here. I'll put a link up when I get some free time.

Yay! #2

2005-11-15T15:26:00.000-06:00

1. I have data entry work to do! Jeff, whom I have been pestering on and off for a couple weeks now finally came up with an idea of something that will help him out in the long run. So I get to enter numbers from creatinine assays he ran. Yay!

2. Oh and I took my car in today, and I didn't get charged at all for his looking at my window. He even fixed it to work better, and now that it's all snowy out, I don't think I'll be using it much anyway. It would be good for me to avoid drive thru's anyhow.

3. I have a new blog. I have devoted it entirely as a way to keep track of workouts, which will be very good, especially as I progress to running the marathon again (provided my knees don't give out). I'm gettin' old.

Not much else new. I am going in search of new long-johns tonight, since my old ones have a hole in them. I could get a couple pairs. It really would be nice if I cared what I look like while I'm at school, huh? Maybe if I get a TA slot next year I'll dress better. I'm more "comfort-oriented" when it comes to clothing. Plus, why where something nice when you have a 50:50 shot of getting peed on by monkeys. And, dear readers, monkey pee smell tends to stay with you for a while. At least until you change. I could just wear scrubs when doing my monkey work, but no one else in the lab cares much what they look like, so why should I? It's not like there are tons of hot guys my age still on the college campus. Most of them are done with education by now. I need to hang out at the med school gym more often...just kidding.

Seriously. Who did I kill in a former life?

2005-11-13T16:01:00.000-06:00

I really can't believe it myself. And you all might not either. I was thinking perhaps my streak of bad luck was on it's way out. I actually had a really good time on Saturday, despite the fact I probably drank more than I have in months. I felt like I was stumbling around the bar we were at.

Anyway. So what is my new bad news? Do you really want to know?

My car stereo was stolen out of my car last night. Honestly. At least, since my car is a piece of crap and the window doesn't roll up correctly sometimes, they didn't break the window. That's the only good thing about it. And I feel sort of almost frightened, because I didn't even drive last night. It was stolen from where it was parked in front of our house. So now, I have 2 priorities:

1. Fix the freakin' window. ASAP.
2. Buy a new stereo, and remember to take the face plate off. No matter how nice of an area I appear to be parked in.

Oh and they stole almost all of my cd's as well. I have something like 14 left, and I don't understand if they just didn't notice them...or what?

I mean, you tell yourself there are still some nice, friendly people out there. And then this crap happens.

In other news, I met a fellow blogger last night. I have to be honest in that I was a little nervous about it, I'm probably more frank on this than I am in real life. I bitch a lot, here. I think I also used to be a little more on the lunatic side than I am now, in my archived posts. So I was a little shy to be all "hi...this is me...". He is still nice, though he seemed a little preoccupied. Probably due to the working the event and junk.

I really haven't been able to focus on anything for school this weekend. I need to start getting all my stupid project stuff done.

I'm so tired.

I love the night-life...

2005-11-10T23:54:00.000-06:00

I had a really nice evening. Even though it probably would have been better had I done some homework. I went out with a girl from work, and one of her friends who went on a wine tour with us a couple of weeks back. We went to this semi-shady bar. Which I totally loved because it reminded me of bars back home. Everyone was so friendly, and it had a really good atmosphere.

I'm so glad tomorrows Friday. I know I allready said that today, but I'm looking forward to a nice relaxing night of homework and maybe a movie or something. And then Saturday I get to go out again. Yay!

It's funny how you miss specific things about a person. Right now, I miss the hugs the most. And my friend Megan back home tried to give me a couple, last weekend, but it just wasn't the same. Probably since she's a tiny girl and he was much more solid. I haven't had a really good hug since we were together, and I'm almost too afraid to ask anyone here for one. I don't feel I know them well enough. I worry so much that I'm the only one feeling a loss, too, which is infinitely sad. A friend who works with him, Jaime, asked when I was going to start going back home to visit him. I had to say that long-distance relationships just don't work for me anymore. I'm tired of putting in the effort, no matter if there is a return one. I want someone near me. But if I don't find anyone for a while, it'll be ok. I have a lot of work to concentrate on. Who knows, right?

Work Yuck

2005-11-10T15:22:00.000-06:00

So. Ok. I'm supposed to be helping out with this project. Right? I think I mentioned it before. It's dealing with puberty and the marmosets, and has another portion dealing with cortisol and levels of parental care. I am/was very excited to be working on it. I have pulled a ton of articles dealing with puberty onset in marmosets(I just need time to read them), and I helped a little with sorting the pee samples.

So Jeff, who I'm supposed to be helping, was doing dilutions. Which are now apparently done, along with over half the creatinine assays. ARG. I am supposed to be learning/helping to do this stuff, but It's sorta like he doesn't want my help. Which I understand, I would probably rather have the publication all to myself if I did most of the work. I don't have a problem with that, I have a problem with feeling useless. I don't feel like I'm as busy and involved in research as much as I was in my undergraduate institution. I feel like I'm banging my head on a glass wall begging to be let participate. At least I've sort of learned the creatinine junk, when I first got here, but I didn't get a very good idea of what was going on. My prof showed me how to do it once, gave me the protocol sheet, and took off.

ARG. I am getting frustrated with how much work I have piling up, too, and Jeff (my prof, not the guy I'm helping) keeps asking if I'm doing extra reading outside of class. I'm all "Yeah. My life is journal articles." Which it really isn't.

I don't like the useless feeling. I also don't like the idea of shoving myself in Jeff's way, to be able to help out (which is what the other Jeff keeps telling me to do). At least tomorrows Friday. That's got to be a good thing.

2005-11-08T17:28:00.000-06:00

Peanut. From his last baby measurements.

Yay!

2005-11-07T16:08:00.000-06:00

I'm home! I'm very glad to have escaped the death grip Topeka seemed to have on me this weekend. I bought myself a bunch of cd's for the drive back(namely, this, this, this, and this), and it was a good drive, despite the fact that my car is all duck-taped up. Very fancy.

People in Holton Ks. are very nice. I forgot to mention that last night. Almost everyone who saw me at the Walmart (since it's basically the only thing in the town) asked me if I needed help, a jump, if I was ok, etc.

People in Auburn Neb. are equally nice, since I got talked into eating something when I stopped at the gas station there. I was sort of leaning towards my normal unhealthy food (peanuts for lunch?) when the lady talked me into tacos, which were very yummy, for gas station food. Also good since my appetite was lacking while back in the good ol' T-town.

I never post pictures. I should post some of my monkies. I get to measure my favorite babies tomorrow, Oscar and Peanut(providing my class schedule doesn't screw things up). Peanut has been called not the most attractive of infants, but he's my favorite of all the babies. We'll see what I can scrounge up.

That's all I got for now. My head hurts a little, and I'm getting sick of staring at my stat's paper. Too bad its due tomorrow.

And the hits just keep on coming...

2005-11-06T22:38:00.000-06:00

This weekend has just gotten better and better. Let me tell ya.

I hit a coyote on my way out of town this evening. That was the first animal I've ever run over that hasn't allready been injured or dead on the road. Not that I intentionally hit things that are allready splattered, either. So I decided to come back to T-town and stay with my dad for the night. I'll leave tomorrow morning when it's light out again.

Luckily, my car isn't too damaged, other than a bent fender, and it's also got a few pieces missing. It still drives ok, though.

Wow. Just...wow. Between that and my sisters insisting that my now-ex-boyfriend is gay, I just don't know what to think. And it's been very hard for me to get any sort of work done this weekend, since I've been wallowing endlessly in my self-pity and despair. At least I've shaken a little of the depressiveness. I think.

And the truth comes out...

2005-11-06T01:03:00.000-06:00

I know, you are all anxiously waiting on the edge of your seats to find out the outcome of my big plan. To come break up with him. There isn't really too much to tell, though. Turns out, I was right. I had sent him emails prior to my coming home, to which he never replied or called me about. I didn't expect to see him, and actually avoided him when I found out he was working, but I left his stuff with a coworker with a note. I know. It's wussy. But I am a wimp and the first to admit it. But, since he has been so non-involved, I didn't expect the phone call I got.

He made me cry in the parking lot of the video rental place. I think I would have been better without talking to him. He called me when I was actually in the store, but then I walked out to my car when I realized what was really being said. He asked first of all if I was mad at him. It's like he wanted me to be. I told him I was frustrated. He said he has issues to work out (which seems to be the case with all of my ex's). I asked him if he had gotten my emails, and he said yes. So I said "you just didn't want to see me?" And the answer was again a yes. He said he doesn't think its working because of the distance. And he asked me what I thought. To which I replied that I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to see me, or doesn't want to talk to me. And that was basically where it ended.

And so my end thought on the whole conversation, is that he just doesn't like me, and he doesn't know why. Which is great since I actually did like him. And yeah, you can always say the "blah blah blah... You deserve better..." Crap, but it doesn't mean you'll ever find better. And it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Chalk another one up, I guess. Another boy who doesn't like me the way I do him.

Ok, I'm sad tonight, but I feel I deserve a little time to work throught this. I'm not as attached as I've been before, in this relationship, but I'll still miss him. Even if he didn't like me back.

I just want to figure out how it turned into him breaking up with me. I don't like that.

Man. Oh man. (part deux)

2005-11-03T21:56:00.000-06:00

I think it's finally going to happen. I am going home this weekend, more for a much needed break from my roomies, and to see my family than anything else. I'm serious. And well. I think if I do see the boy, it's really going to be over. Finally. What am I really tying myself down to any way?

I send him an email saying that I pretty much feel he doesn't care enough about me to do anything, and I mean anything about it, and he pretty much doesn't call me for a week. And it's getting sparser and sparser. The phone calls, I mean. Seriously! Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to talk to me?

The only really good thing I've gotten from this relationship, and I know, it's very sad, but what can I say, I'm a sad little girl... Is that boys do like me. Occasionally. Mostly, I'm feeling from my last two relationships, that boys like me ok in the beginning, but then somewhere about month 3 or so, they change their minds. And trust me, I know all the hormonal crap, like the fact that all the hormones that make you feel like you're in love for the first three months go back to normal around that point. And then it's sort of...what was I thinking? And what was I doing? I just don't understand why it can't ever last.

I think I'm not the marrying type. And don't get me wrong. I have wanted to be married, every now and then, no matter how much I proclaim that I don't. I just think I'm the type that no one really wants to marry. There. I said it.

It's sort of funny, a while ago, I read in this anti-horoscope book that I am destined to allways be the mistress.

Oh well. I'm very down on myself tonight. It must be the stress. So much work and only so much time to get it all done.

Its a halloweenie roast!

2005-10-31T21:28:00.000-06:00

My roommates just completed power hour in the dining room. I think they went through a whole case of beer. There will be room in the fridge once again, oh yes. I started out the power hour but lost it after I drank a beer and a half or so since my bf called.

All of my roomies got into a male vs. female discussion, which was quite entertaining, except I got told again that I need to break up with my bf. Because I make excuses for him. Which I do, I won't lie. I had a margarita at California Tacos with some girls from school before they went to shelter skelter, which was also fun(I ditched out from the play because I didn't feel like watching, I had planned on a run). The food wasn't too bad but the flavored margaritas were not very fabulous. It definitly got better as I drank more of it, though.

I actually had a good conversation with my bf. I hate to think that I may be weak again and drive home this weekend. I can't help it. Its just good when I am there and we get to spend time together, but I don't know how to deal with the him not visiting me thing. I kind of think that he never will, now. I can't be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort. I can't be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort. I can't be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort. I can't be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort. I can't be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort. I cant be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort. I can't be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort. I can't be in a relationship if I'm the only one putting in the effort.

Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself? It may be the beer/tequila talking, I am quite the lightweight. Have I bitched about the boy enough for one night? I think so.

What else did I do today...I sorted through some 2000+ pee samples, so that was awesome. My name is supposed to be on the paper that it was for, for the research we are doing, but I almost don't feel right about it. I haven't done as much work as the post-doc worker, so I almost feel like I could do with a simple acknowledgement somewhere in the paper, instead of taking that much credit for it. It also is only part of the whole experiment that's being written up, and I didn't help with the other part. I don't know how exactly to bring it up, either. I'm such a wishy-washy person. At least I know what I want. I just have to figure out how to get it.

Would you like some more whine?

2005-10-30T19:40:00.000-06:00

I've been slacking once again. I've actually been very busy and just not gotten around to updating lately. Things are going well for me in the Omaha of Nebraska. I'm making new friends, i've bought ear plugs so I don't have to hear my roommates and can actually sleep through the night, and last week I talked to my boyfriend twice. I think I freaked him out since I emailed him and told him I feel like I put more effort into our relationship than he does. I really don't understand him very well.

It's like he can take me or leave me, and more often he'd pick leaving me. I asked my male roommate if I should tell him that a guy offered to buy me a drink the other night, but he was like "Why would you want to do that? You'd only be saying it to hurt him."

Which is not necessarily true. Maybe just to see if he cares at all, since i'm not feeling it. I think I have made things way too convenient for him, since I've been home so often. At least I didn't go this weekend, or last. Even if I had wanted to.

Bleck. I have issues with not feeling like the people I like ever like me back the same. You'd think it would be so easy to be in love with a person. I always feel like I'm the one left wanting more, though. It doesn't help that this is my first serious relationship since the last person who broke my heart. I feel like it just keeps breaking a little more, in different ways. I feel like I'm getting used to being with guys who could care less if I'm around or not. I want to be wanted. The worst part is that i don't want to end this because I don't want to have to be alone again. I was alone, for 3 years. I don't think it helped me any except to make me more bitter and vengeful than I've ever been. I hate to think that being mean to people comes so much easier to me now.

Blah blah blah...I'm an awful little girl...Ok I'm done.

The cold and the couch...

2005-10-22T23:00:00.000-05:00

Which is where I am right now. I finally did it. I sent an email, not to break up with a certian someone, but to let them know that I'm unhappy. I basically told him I feel like he's not making an effort, and that I am and I feel he doesn't care. So we'll see how that goes over, I guess.

I went to a halloween party with my roommates last night, dressed as a bee. It was kinda boring so I left real early (like after 5 min). I then went to meet my friends at a bar, still in bee atire. And it was nice because I got offered a beer by a waiter. I didn't accept of course, but the option was nice. My friends were enjoying the fact that I went out in my bee outfit. All in all, other than the little spat with my boyfriend, I had a really nice night. They had good beer. I drank way too much of it, but it was good.

I know now what I really like about my boyfriend. He lets me be lovey with him. He doesn't mind PDA's, and almost encourages them, in a way. I like that so much. It's like he doesn't care what other people think. And it's nice to know that he enjoys me touching him as much as I like doing it. Thats why I will be sad if this ends. I like to be clingy with him, and he allows it. Other people I've been very emotionally involved with (and physically, I guess) haven't allowed me that privilige, which made me feel unwanted. Or not unwanted, but secretive. He didn't want people to know we were involved...and I guess I didn't either, but I like the physical comfort of touching and being touched, not entirely in a sexual sense. I like cuddles.

Hehehe. You've got to be kidding...

2005-10-13T16:48:00.000-05:00

Seriously. If I could get a quarter for everytime I've been asked if I have an idea for my thesis, I'd have...a whole lot o' quarters. And the answer? You've got to be kidding me.

I've been here 3months people. Some of the people I'm working with didn't come up with a topic until their 2nd year. I am planning on having a good idea, by the end of this year. Hopefully. I haven't been too creative lately.

Another day, another dollar.... Well... not really.

2005-10-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

Another day of sitting at my desk doing homework...and possibly some research.

Awesome.

I feel like my creativity is lacking, since I've become a graduate student. Maybe it's the monkeys doing it to me.

Nah.

At least I had no dreams last night about my boyfriend. I was thinking I would since he's been on my mind so much recently. I don't like having bad dreams about him though.

Meh.

2005-10-09T22:53:00.000-05:00

My body is exhausted. Which means I haven't been running enough since it's only 2 days of running doing it to me. And walking around the zoo. I went to the zoo yesterday afternoon with my friend Kate. It was fun, except we had to walk around pretty fast to see everything before they closed. I liked the aquarium the best. And the rainforest area. I have been avoiding homework like no other this weekend, which is very very bad since I have a stats midterm on tuesday afternoon.

I talked to my boyfriend yesterday, which was good, since I basically hadn't for a week. Men don't seem to understand that all we women really want is just a little show of affection. Something simple to show that you care about us.

I am trying desperately to be understanding and caring and all that junk. I miss him, and I'm not quite sure he feels the same. Which makes me sad. The other night, watching Sweet november, I had a good cry about him. I am so focused on him. It's very bad. People should not let me like them this much, because then it is hard for me to let them go. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens. I don't want to hurt him.

The good and the bad...

2005-10-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

I have had a pretty good week. I did very well on a presentation, and even received congrats from several people for it, which surprised me a little. I like my work very much now. I feel like I fit in better, now that they've heard me talk a little. I like the boys I work with very much, and also a couple of the girls.

I'm a firm believer in the idea that once one area of your life starts going spectacularly, another part turns to shit.

So the current crap part of my life is my relationship with my significant other. I know, I've been swinging back and forth a lot, from "I love him!", to "I hate him". But lets see. It has been 3 months and 3 days since we first went out. And he still hasn't visited me. What makes it worse is that he keeps saying he is going to come and visit me, but keeps finding these little reasons not to. And that makes me feel very non-important to him. I don't mind so much having a long-distance relationship, but its starting to feel like I'm the only one in it. And what makes it worse is I get so attached, so much like I don't want to leave when I am with him.

So now, since he is not visiting me, I am watching "Sweet November" and feeling miserably lonely. I am feeling unimaginative as well, so I don't think I will continue this post.

I don't know what to say...

2005-10-05T22:12:00.000-05:00

I think the thing I don't like about being in a relationship, is that you are dependent upon the other person. You depend on them to be feeling the same way about you that you do about them. You depend that they will be there. I feel that it's important to know about what is going on in each others lives, and to know more that person more deeply than you know others, or at least at the same level as your best friend.

I hate feeling like I'm waiting by the phone. Waiting for a call, although it is very different from my last relationship, when I was always the one calling. I can't say for sure, because I'm never very sure about anything in life, but I'm thinking boys suck tonight. I don't know if I can elaborate any further than that. I don't think I want to.

I hate to not feel the floating feeling anymore when you think about someone. I also hate to think that I am not someone destined to be in long-term relationships. I want them. I just can't seem to give that much of myself to someone else. There's a little part of me that always wants to be seperated from the situation. Individual. I guess that's the whole goal, right? Learning to be individuals but love each other for your individualness. I worry too much. Especially when I have so much more important things to worry about. Enough of my random negative thinking for one night.

Man O man...

2005-09-27T22:29:00.000-05:00

What a couple of days. I feel like I'm floating on air...which could be a bad thing when it comes to my work ethic. Unfortunately, it seems like school is getting easier...which I'm not sure how to interpret. My statistics prosem is definitly getting easier to understand, and this may be an indication of my studying too much. And my comparative psych prosem had no reading or anything assigned this week. We go to the humane shelter on Thurs, and have to do an ethogram and research question. Easy enough. I've done the ethogram thing before. Heck, i helped teach a class dealing with them.

Anyway. The air thing. It's a bit crazy how one longish night with my boyfriend makes me happy. I spent a lot of time sunday night and early sunday morning keeping him awake. And it made me so happy. I love the feeling of hugging certain people. I think I'm attracted to boys with nice arms. Strong arms. And, it seems there is a trend of shortish men going on. My last significant relationship was also with a short man. Well, shorter than me. But not a lot. I could not deal with someone I try to kiss being significantly shorter than me. Again! I have a tangent thing going tonight. I love my boyfriend. He's so damn cute. And nice to me. And I like that he seems unable to keep his hands off of me for very long...I know, I'm getting mushy...enjoy it though, it doesn't happen often. I always start to worry a bit when I start feeling this way towards people. It means they have potential to do some serious damage. And I'm not so good with the damage control. I get way too emotional.

Ah well. I won't be disgusting about my relationship anymore. Mostly everything else is going well. I am a bit worried because I ran into my advisor today, and he asked me to stop by his office tomorrow morning. It's probably more of a check-in thing, to see how stuff is going...but you never really know with him. He probably doesn't think I'm doing much, but picking out samples to run hormone assays on takes quite a while. Especially the amount we need. Blargh. Work.

the almighty "Flying Spaghetti Monster" ... How great thou art...

2005-09-14T22:00:00.000-05:00

There's news of a new deity that has been floating around my office the past few days and is creating quite a stir.

There's even a WWFSMD? on the blackboard in the office. My professors are funny people. Check it out for a laugh. Ah... Kansas... I really don't miss you all that much. No offense.

Look Ma! I'm Famous!

2005-09-13T22:30:00.000-05:00

Well, not quite. I am however 6th on "ask.com" for hugs not drugs. Fantabulous.

I am also #1 on yahoo.

My google results are less impressive, so I will abstain from posting them. Ah well. The books do call to me.

Wow!

2005-09-13T22:09:00.000-05:00

I'm surprised at myself for being as good as I am about updating you. I think it's a desperate homework avoidance tactic. I went with my girl roomies to get some ice cream tonight. SOOOO good.

I also ran something like 4miles, and it only took me about a half hour. Am I getting faster? As a runner? I also think I pulled some knee related muscle, on the back outside. I just hope to not be limping tomorrow, and I will try to stretch it as well. I love where my house is, it's very close to school, and I ran through the nearby park tonight.

My bf did end up calling me last night. Actually, tonight as well. Maybe he feels guilty. I think if he hadn't, we might have had some issues. So it was not so sad after all. At least him and his roomies are done with their landscaping crap that I don't really understand since I can't see it. I have no mental idea of what it looks like. I hope that their being done means that he can actually get his butt up here, though. Otherwise... i might have to make yet another quick road trip this weekend to see him. God help me I miss him.

Other random thoughts:
my cold is almost gone
I need to beg my advisor for a computer
I need to buy groceries, but I'm trying to put it off for a month
I have to measure a monkey tomorrow, I am afraid he will try to eat me alive

that's really all I got for ya other than my stomach is not liking the ice cream... perhaps it was too quick after my run.

On the loudness of the roommates.

2005-09-12T21:47:00.000-05:00

It be very bad. I don't know for certian if it's an attempt to piss me off...but if so... it's working...
I know some of it is non-intentional, but the loud stereo's? That could be controlled, more so than the x-rated noises emanating from the basement. Seriously.

I am pathetically sitting up waiting for my boyfriend to call me. How very sad, that I don't think he is going to. He is very very important to me, and it makes me sad when he makes me feel like I am less important to him. I feel like I take a pretty sad second next to his buddies. Which sucks, big time. I just wish I didn't miss him so much. So damn much. Hmmm. I used the word "sad" 3 times in this post. Fantabulous.

Monkey thoughts

2005-09-11T14:49:00.000-05:00

I just realized that my chinese zodiac is the year of the monkey, and i work with monkeys. Coincidence? I think not...

sick and tired...

2005-09-09T22:38:00.000-05:00

literally. And it's not even about the boy this time. Although I do blame him. I think him stressing me out led me to catching my cold. Sounds about right to me.

So anyway, I have this monster cold, and my head feels like a big balloon. I got pretty much nothing accomplished at work this afternoon, because I took some cold medicine and then was trying to work on my homework, and i kept making mistakes and having to go back and correct them. Finally, I just gave up. And came home. And laid on my couch and watched my girly movies, and my head still hurts. So now I take more medicine which I hope puts me out. Flat. I can't handle the drippy nose anymore.

I had fun this morning helping, though. I got to hold infants for measurements, and they were biting me again. I love peanut, he is my favorite baby, probably because he bites less and looks like a little grizzly bear monkey. We also knocked out monkeys for physicals, and one escaped before we could get her sedated. It was... "Whoa, crap! Monkey on the sink!.... Wait, behind the fridge.... oh, by Bessie.... on the Floor.... Crap!" they move really fast. I don't think my description quite does it justice.

I am feeling good about graduate school though, I now have an idea of what Jeff, my advisor, likes to see. He would like me to live in the lab. Which I really have no problem with... because really, what else am I gonna do? Other than spend all my money... which I am trying desperately to stop doing. My friend Kate, who's a lab tech with us, wants to go shopping this weekend though... so we'll see how it all works out.

Ugh... Alka seltzer is bad for your taste buds but good for your ouchy throat! God I'm such a geek.

I currently have super abs because I did a pilates class with Kate yesterday. Man, the guy leading the class sucked. His counting for our moves was something like "12345678910.... k next move..." Major muscle groups do not move that quickly, buddy, unless you are looking for an injury. My abs still hurt even though he sucked though. That's because I never do ab work. I'm a runner. I like to pretend i have no abs. I have legs.

Bitchfest

2005-09-08T21:39:00.000-05:00

I am turning into a question-o-matic, I know. I can't help it though. I can't control other people right? I just wish I didn't let other people make me so sad. This is why I avoided any form of a relationship for something like 3 years. I don't like being sad. I try to avoid it as often as possible.

I also wish I wasn't such a mean person, to blame circumstance on others. I just wish I felt like I am more important to a certian person, than he makes me feel like I am. I like him so damn much. And now I don't know what to do with myself since I was planning on seeing him at some point this weekend, and now its just going to make my weekend suck. Because I will be thinking about him all weekend. And I don't think I will be going home anytime soon...and it's so difficult when it feels like he doesn't even want to talk to me. I've had 35min of conversation with him over the past 4 days. And it's always him saying goodbye first.

It just seems like I'm not really 1st in his mind, and that's what I want. At least he was shy/ashamed about not coming up to see me, and saying goodbye also seemed a little rough. I don't know how much longer I can do this, it's wearing me out.

Can it work?

2005-09-06T21:42:00.000-05:00

There's a question. Can a long distance relationship really truly work? I'd like to think so, since i seem to have gotten myself mixed up in one. I really like this person, and I've been getting stronger and stronger feelings of how much I like them every moment I get to see him. When we are together, it's great, and when we aren't, it's been ok. Up till now. I was supposed to get to see him this weekend, he's supposed to come and visit me. He's not sure he will though, now that his brother isn't coming with him (they were going to carpool, which I totally understand given the rising gas prices). However. He hasn't visited me yet. At all. And we've been seeing each other for about 2 months. I have been going home a lot, for various reasons. One of the most important ones has been to see him, so I would think he would return the feeling.

Ok. I'm getting mean. I know he misses me. I miss him. I can not drive home every weekend, however. With the current situation I'm in with grad school, I would be lucky to make it home once a month. And when he called to tell me tonight, he got off the phone pretty quickly. Angela (my roommate) suggested he feels bad. But then shouldn't he? This is making the sucky him not being here near me feeling worse. I guess we spend so much time together when I am there, when I'm suddenly not, I don't really know what to do. And when stuff happens that I think I want to tell him about and then I can't. Fuck Fuck Fuck. I guess I get too wrapped up in other people. Maybe that's why I keep ending up feeling like I do now. I need chocolate. Or a good cry.

So sleepy...

2005-08-13T01:34:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've been up this late in a long, long time. I hung out with my roommates all day practically, after I got done at school. Which I don't think I'll talk about except to say, it's not going well. I don't know what I can do to make things better, but it's not like I'm not trying. I was very desperately wanting to move home this afternoon, after my awful day of feeling like I have nothing to contribute. At least its going fairly well with my roomies, Angela and I get along well, and Joel too. The new girl I havent gotten much of an opportunity to talk to, but she seems pretty nice so far. I had fun with them tonight, we went to see a movie, and then hung out just talking and being stupid until now, almost 2am. We even got pizza at 12:30. Its been a long time since I've done that.

I am a googly googly girl

2005-08-05T21:28:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I talk about the boy all the time. But really. How, when I get an email telling me his plans for tomorrow (when I am venturing home for a few days), and asking me to call as soon as I get there because he wants to see me as soon as possible, can I not?

I'm a little boring tonight. Well, I guess I'm a little boring every night, in reality. Both of my roommates are out of town. They're both a lot of fun, but I think since neither of them are dating anyone there's a lot of sexual tension underlying everything. They aren't that way with me. The girl is a lot of fun, and seems to make friends really easily with new people. That may mean we have a lot of people over and stuff, but it should be good. I need to be more social anyway, when I escape the lab.

The boy is also very nice, but he has this way of not looking directly at me when he talks to me that kinda weirds me out a little. We have similar tastes in beer and are both movie lovers, so I think we'll get along ok. If he can ever understand why I would want to drive 2.5-3 hrs to see my boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, that's the only reason I need, but J seems to think that T has to be someone spectacular to deserve that type of devotion.

In other news, I made it out for a run this evening. I need to adjust to Omaha's hills. I did a short jog over to school, and I think I've decided I'm going to start walking to work/school everyday. It will give me a little extra exercise and a lot of alone time, which I miss every now and then, now that I always have people around me. I think I was very independent in my hometown, and did a lot of stuff by myself. Going to movies, etc. Well, at least until I met T. He's so cute.

Meh. I'm going to knit and watch a movie on my now functional TV/DVD player. I did my first hormone assay at work today, and I did a fairly ok job despite it being my first ever. I even did better than our new lab tech because she put in the wrong amounts on her first trial. Yay for me! Not that it's a competition, but my prof. was kinda teaching down to me until we realized I had paid more attention than our tech.

Damned Red White and Yellow! #@!*

2005-08-02T21:33:00.000-05:00

Cables that is. My stupid TV is still not fully operational, my DVD/VCR player isn't working due to my having the wrong cables. Or more specifically, I'm missing one. I have made so many freakin' trips to Target I think I know the place better than my new house.

At least all my furniture is together. For right now. And I get to see my boyfriend in 3 days. YES! He told me he missed me today. I miss him like crazy. It doesn't help that all the girls that work in the lab with me are either married or married and pregnant. I think it would be more interesting if there was an unmarried mother there...but i guess it's all a crapshoot, right? Anyhoo, all the talk of significant others and pregger's speak was driving me batty this afternoon.

All I did this evening was bitch to my roommates about how my dvd player isn't in commission, and eat almost every single piece of candy we have. Candy can cure just about anything.

The natives are friendly!

2005-08-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

Ok. I know I'm a bit cliche with my title... But I do have to agree, there's nothing wrong with Omaha. I like this city in that it's a lot bigger than good ol' smalltown Kansas. Is it strange that it keeps me inside more? I feel less like venturing out as I keep getting older. It's the old lady in me that struggles to get out every now and then. I was so proud of myself for hanging out with one of my roommates tonight for a while. Sad, eh? I think the only thing Omaha is missing is my boyfriend. I'm such a cheeseball.

At least today I started work at school, I met some really nice grad students. I also had to do all this mind-numbing orientation junk. Stare at a computer screen for hours. But I got my very own desk. Which is nice. I even get a shiny new computer to go with it. And there are two girls that share the room with me (grad students) Holly and Heather. I'm excited about school starting, even though it's still a few weeks off. I hope T(my boyfriend) can make it up here before classes begin.

My room is starting to look very nice. I got my nice new desk from Target today, and this piece is supposed to come in tomorrow. I have some more orientation junk to muddle through tomorrow, but I'm hoping to leave a bit early again and come home and get my chest together before my roomies get home from work.

You know, up until this boy, T., I forgot how much I enjoy making out.

Lovey-Dovey, Lovey-Dovey all the time...

2005-07-31T23:01:00.000-05:00

I had a nice couple of days back in the good ol' hometown. I really think it will be hard doing the whole long distance thing, especially when classes are in session. It's hard now, I guess. And it's also difficult because we both live with other people and do not want to offend them. I am such a looser in that I can't wait until next weekend. I did just get home. Oh, an hour ago. My roommate painted my doors for me, which was super-nice, I just want some blinds now, ya know. I don't like the idea of the whole street seeing me in my room.

Meh. I'm sleepy... and I want to play nation states before sleep.

Another month down. Almost.

2005-07-29T23:10:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I get to drive home and visit my boyfriend. I am excited to do this because it feels like something a grown up would do. I never really consider myself a grown up. Also, because it's him. I really like this guy. He's probably starting to realize how much of a geek I am though. It's difficult for me to understand him, in a way. He's not really guy-like. Which may be a good thing. Can you imagine how pissed he would be to read me saying that, though? "Yeah, my boyfriend is kinda girly." I'm so mean. I almost wish he would be a little meaner, because I think that's what I'm used to in the opposite sex. Besides... It's been so damn long. Years, since I've even dared to look at a boy seriously.

I guess I'm a bit lonely tonight. I miss everyone from my hometown quite a lot. I mean, I know everyone back home. Or at least quite a few people.

Ah well, better go shave my legs for tomorrow. See, I'm still at the point in this relationship that it still matters to do that.

Damn.

2005-07-21T19:11:00.000-05:00

Time flies. Its allready almost the end of July, which I am trying desperately not to think about. I am moving in about a week to Omaha, which I am very happy about. Does it sound like I'm trying to convince myself? I get the feeling I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about my program and assistanceship and all. Just a little sad that I just recently started seeing someone and I don't like the idea of being 3 hrs away from him. I know, I'm a big wimp. It's just so cute right now. He told me the other night that he told his friends that if they couldn't get along with me he was going to have to find new friends. It's just so damn cute. We had our first kiss last night. Awww.

God I'm a geek. Mushtastic even. This weekend sucks for me to get to spend time with him, but I'm hoping to make up for it some by driving back home next weekend, post-move. I don't think I'll tell my dad about that one though, since I will likely receive all kinds of "don't loose your focus crap". I get enough admonishments from myself, I don't need my close family members joining in.

Oh well. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Ah well...there goes may.

2005-05-29T00:48:00.000-05:00

Yea! another month down. Two to go before the big move. I'm going to be living with two girls and a boy, and I don't know any of them. I'm not so sure how it will work out, but I can't wait. It's sort of like a new life starting. I will know absolutely noone up there, so just think of all the exploring I can do. I got some pretty cool stuff for graduation, I just had my party yesterday and went out drinking that night. fun.

Flabbergasted...

2005-04-28T21:02:00.000-05:00

Has it been a month allready? Where in the world have I been? I keep intending to be more punctual about updating this thing... Anyway, I've been moving, and getting accepted to the grad program I wanted most. YES! So in a few months I'll finally be off, on my own. A good 3 hours away from everyone, which lately is sounding particularly nice.

I never had any idea that people can be as catty as they have been lately. I had a surprise moment this week when I got called into my advisors office, because a rumor had been started and she was worried I was secretly angry towards her. Or something. I think it's something that may have been overheard a while ago, and got distorted to all ends. So that made me feel like crap. That she didn't know how much I truly have appreciated her help over the last few years. And that someone is vindictive enough to use something I said without much thought against someone else, intending to harm them. It really has made me feel like not talking to anyone from the psych dept. ever again. I just don't want any of them to think that I am as mean and vindictive as I may have been portrayed.

I guess I sometimes put too much faith in others as being good people. So often it's just not true. I also have discovered, somewhat vicariously, that another person is working to get credit for not doing anything. That seems to happen a lot around there as well. Apparently, I am better off working alone. Or with my advisors. I can't handle the drama of people who think they somehow deserve better or more than everyone else.

Zonkers Batman!

2005-03-27T23:49:00.000-06:00

Allright. I am a retrad. I have the vague notion that I turn a bright shade of pink around a certian boy. I'm sorta crushin' on him right now. See? This is how I am. I get these monster crushes on boys that are near me frequently, but they never actually turn into anything. Maybe that's because I pretend I don't like them. It's a form of self-preservation. At least I talked to him today. Like 2 sentences. And yesterday. 2 more. I believe our conversation yesterday was as follows:

T: Can I have a venti mountain dew w/ no ice?

Me: No... ...sorry I just really wanted to say that.

T: Well...(I think I caused some speechlessness)... You can just go home then.

Me: Really? Thanks.

And this is maybe our first ever conversation. I'm so proud of myself. Or maybe not.

On another note. I ran 16 miles yesterday morning. 3 hours of running, folks. Granted, I was taking it easy, and I hope to pick it up a notch or two for the marathon. Do you want to know the songs that were running through my head?

Mile 4ish - Baby got back (sir mix a-lot) ... don't ask.
mile 16 - Head, shoulders, knees and toes (from gradeschool) ... and I repeat... really...don't ask.

What in the world?

2005-03-11T22:20:00.000-06:00

Wow. A whole 2-3 weeks has passed since my last post. I should update the whole life situation, eh?

a. new job - it's going well. I have no time, for anything, but it's fun. I work with a lot of really nice people, and it's opened me up to new options in the boy department.

1. one new option worries me a little. He's a friend's boyfriends older brother, and while entirely nice, entirely a little too narrow-minded for me. It would be like dating someone with my father's belief system. He has told me he likes my pig-tails and that he wouldn't tell on me to my boss for something. So... I don't know, and I talked about moving to him, and his response was "It's not really a bad thing to know a lot of people where you live... (ie. I shouldn't move...). I'm not waiting, on anything.

b. grad school- still waiting on that one. I've put in my CV to a few places, since I'm still waiting to hear back from two grad schools, the ones I realllly want to go to. I got accepted to a school in maryland and rejected from St. Louis MO. Which doesn't disappoint me too much.

Not too much else new. I was realizing today that I have a propensity to run into people I really don't want to see. The other night I ran into Heath and crew at the local target. I don't get him. I think he thinks we could be friends. I don't so much agree. I will be nice...but not friendly with him. Not anymore. It's like the day after my last relationship ended, I ran into my ex-person. It provokes a "Why me?" response.

Now, my ex-person and I are getting along fine lately. It's probably because as far as I know he's not dating anyone so I have no reason for any jealousy/self-hatred. For the moment. I don't like how down I can get on myself. It's really not healthy.

You know, all I really want from a relationship lately is for someone to like being with me as much as I like being with them. You wouldn't think that's too much to ask.

My friend who hates me for no reason came into my work yesterday. I saw her as I was walking back to clock in, and narrowly avoided her. I guess she's not really my friend anymore. It really is too bad that I don't understand her hating me, since I didn't do anything to provoke it. That last sentence doesn't really make any sense, eh? Ok. I think I've updated enough for one night. I'm off to bed since I have a 7am run tomorrow.

So COLD.

2005-02-25T09:22:00.000-06:00

This building is freezing. Or wait. Maybe that's just me. I was cold all day yesterday and I think it's continuing through today. GAR! I am frustrated with my stupid lab partners. There is one girl who's all "I don't really know what we are doing." My response? Do NOT touch my flies!! She is so trying desperately hard to ruin our experiments. GER! I'm grumpy today.

I went and perused Lawerence last night, since i for once did not have to work. It traumatized me that I couldn't find anything I desperately needed to buy. I mean, I need something new, right? I settled for buying myself a shiny new trash can. Especially since my K-mart one is a piece of crap and doesn't work. The lid always gets stuck on the bag.

I'm feeling a bit resentful towards my research I'm supposed to be helping with. I mean, give me stuff to do and I do it, right? I shouldn't have to meet with my prof. daily and hold his hand while he does data analysis. Nor vice versa. I think I pretty much have the hang of analyzing data. I'm just stalling. After all, why do today what you can put off until the very far future?

Well.

2005-02-20T23:34:00.000-06:00

I'd like to say that I've done something particularly interesting this weekend, but I'm afraid it's just not true. I don't think I quite woke up today until about 6ish, at work when I got my first Dr. Pepper. Ah. Dr. Pepper. How I love thee. Unfortunately I'd allready been at work for about 4 hours and in a daze.

I'm interested in a person named Tyler that works with me. He's older, I think, and a bookseller. And I'm not really interested/interested in him, he just makes me wonder. About him. So that's different. I have a baby crush on a guy named Andrew I work with. He's quite a bit younger than me, so not like anything would happen there, but it keeps me interested at work. He's just so nice and helpful. Not all the guys are. Most of the people I work with at my new job are boys. I think there's 4 women other than me, and at least 6 guys. It's a little different type of situation than I'm used to, because I'm not stranded alone at work all day. So it can be a little tiring. Other people wear me out sometimes.

I watched "The wedding date" with my buddy Gwen the other night. It was pretty good. Very romantical and sappy, but I enjoyed it. I think all the bad reviews about it are men who've been forced to watch it by their sig. others. I was all "I'll love you Mr. Dermott Mulroney (sp?)"

I'm quite the boy-crazed girl lately, huh? I even asked Mr. Heath out again, but he ticked me off by not being able to just say no. My coworkers were saying that at least he wasn't mean, but I would have preferred a definitive answer. That and him not to be scared of me. Yes. I scare boys by actually asking them out to do things. Whatever. Ugh. School tomorrow, and I need to make up a 6 mile run, cause I wimped out on my long run this weekend and only did about 6 miles.

Sigh

2005-02-17T21:10:00.000-06:00

I be sooo tired. I just got finished at work, and now I'm back at school studying for my genetics exam tomorrow. My teacher said if we did well he'd make the tests more difficult. Does that explain the class? Today truly and utterly sucked. I had to run every where, and sort of in a headless chicken fashion. I had to drive home post-marathon class and shower, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten a chance all day. I had no caffienne until just now, and I missed lunch (unless 3 cookies counts as lunch).

I am feeling good knowing that I don't have another time crunch day like today anywhere in the near future. I also have to find some time tomorrow to finish staining a slide for my microbiology lab, since I had to run out of it early.

My workout this morning also made me sleepy. It was heavy on the strengthing junk. However, I was still pretty peppy at the good ol' B&N this evening. I think it's sort of funny when my customers from the other shop come in and do a double-take, like "Wait... Where am I??!"

I am a mean-spirited girl though. I feel badly for my meanness towards my nice Megan, because she's been super sweet to me and even brought me a valentines gift. I had to apologize today for being a bitch because I was sort of rude when I went in to cover for her. I think I'm just so tired I don't know what I'm doing anymore, be it ostracizing friends or taking exams. Speaking of...Genetics.

Make the yuckiness end!! Please!

2005-02-13T19:48:00.000-06:00

I am still pretty angry about work. My old job, which originally agreed to cut hours with me for my new job is now saying that I just can't. To which, I'm all, "I cannot work 40hr. weeks and go to school 12hrs. That results in me failing the semester. So I'm a little upset with my manager for putting me in this position. After all, she is the manager, it is her job to manage the shop. Not mine to work around their schedule. But it's nice knowing I now make my rent in 2weeks, instead of 3. And I have extra cash.

This week has just been plain weird. Like how Matt (boy I run with and used to have a mini-crush on) called me both a hottie and gorgeous in the same day(yesterday morning). I wasn't quite sure how to take it since he's a bit on the flirty side, but I do appreciate the compliments. And half the time, I don't seem to know whether I'm coming or going, with all the working I'm doing. Oh, and I burned my hand steaming milk at the new job. It's pretty bad, its still red/brown on my fingers and they had blistered. Ow.

So, all in all, not the best week. But I still got a boy's attention out of the deal. WooHoo.

UGHh.

2005-02-06T21:47:00.000-06:00

Man. I am so wiped. I haven't even really begun studying this weekend, since I worked something like 7 hours every day. I also started my fourth workout, tonight I went and did an easy jog for 35 minutes. My feet ache, my back aches, and my head aches, from the amount of work I need to do for school. My new job is going ok. I feel a lot better since I realized it's not me who makes it awful, its just very busy. Ok, I need to go get some sleep, and maybe get some studying done beforehand.

So Sleepy...

2005-02-04T21:39:00.000-06:00

Today was a pretty long day. Plus, I was being all retarded at my new job and screwing up a little. Which made me feel bad. I hate their register system though. It's window's based, and it sucks. Everything is alphabetized, and you have to find the right 4 digit code for anything ordered. Blargh.

So I'm a little tired. I'm having trouble finding times to fit everything into my schedule. Like tonight, I'm being lazy and watching a movie, when I should be doing homework. I keep getting home at night, and I'm just so exhausted I want to crawl into my bed. I'm having difficulties figuring when I'm going to sleep, with both of my new work schedules. To be honest, I don't want to do anything tonight. I want to sleep. Especially since I have a timed 5k tomorrow morning. I want a maid so that I don't have to do things like dishes and grocery shopping, which take too much energy and time. I tackled the dishes allready, however. There was a lingering scent that I had to get rid of. Phew!

Wow.

2005-01-31T21:40:00.000-06:00

Ok. Lets review.

A. New job-
1. good, but stressful. The having to arrange schedule upon schedule of work. I'm just such a wanted employee. And something I spent a whole lot of money on considering my new required uniform.

B. New Computer-
1. also good, but freaking me out a bit since I'm not sure where the wireless internet is coming from. But I be sooo grateful for it.

C. Grad School Apps-
1. They were done. I swear. But Illinois State is sucking the life out of me because they say I haven't signed two forms, which I think is such a lie. (I think, I was pretty worn out by then end of it all)
2. I really just don't want to do all the crap all over again.

D. My neighbors-
1. assholes that they are, I am still wishing death upon them. And I promise you, whomever has been honking their horn for the past 15min will die a painful death. At my hands.
2. I still think it would all be well and good if they would just stop pushing drugs out of their apartment.

E. Classes-
1. progressing well. I promise. I do actually try to study every now and then. It's so nice to not have chem anymore. And my genetics professor is sooo interesting. I just hope he stops telling the class how we are all going to die (mutations and whatnot).
2. Its really only difficult to study because I get home and then I'm so exhausted from running (literally and metaphorically) that I can't do anything but sit on my butt and watch TV.

I ran 6.5 miles yesterday. I am very very proud of that. And my blisters. They are my badge of my journey on my feet. I'm a retrad. I was supposed to do 30-45 minutes today, but I couldn't make myself.

All in all, it's been quite a couple of weeks. I guess I should fix my Illinois state crap. Blargh.

Yay! part 2.

2005-01-30T17:37:00.000-06:00

I got me a new job. I know, I have poor grammar. And I get a free dinner tonight. My daddy's the best.

The first day of the rest of my life...

2005-01-28T10:19:00.000-06:00

Well, ok, not quite. But I have a job interview today. And I was very forward with someone yesterday, which, I think, may have scared him off again. I'm pretty good at scaring boys, apparently. I am hoping to get my new printer today, since I didn't get a chance to pick it up yesterday.

I got my new running shoes, which are SOOOO comfortable. They're the Gel-Nimbus by Asics. And I lurve them. Except they didn't quite fit and I had to return them for a larger size.

I was having a bit of a bad night last night, after thinking I scared off said boy, so I went out to Best Buy and got myself a new CD, Cat Stevens. And, while there, I ran into Chris, who works there. So now he probably thinks I'm stalking him, except I didn't know he was going to be working.

Meh. I'm supposed to be doing my Genetics right now. So I should go since class is in 1/2 hour. My friend Amber keeps looking over to see what I'm doing. Thus, I am huddled up against the computer screen, trying to keep everyone else in the lab from viewing my blog... I probably am drawing more attention than preventing it...

YAY!

2005-01-26T19:33:00.000-06:00

Guess what's sitting in my car right now???! Yay! My new lap-top. It's all shiny. Not that it's out of the box yet. I'm so ecstatic though. I found out my new printer is on the way as well, and it's cool because its one of the new fancy copy/scan/print ones. YAY! I better go though, I'm not really parked in a parking space since school was crowded... and I don't want/need a ticket.

Oh yeah.

2005-01-24T15:29:00.000-06:00

I got myself a fancy new job interview. Hurray! Rock on wit' yo bad self. I'm pretty excited about it, except one of my bud's from school keeps talking about this boy she wants me to date there or something. I honestly have to say, I enjoy myself too much on my own to have to deal with someone else's crap. Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. And they certianly aren't all I want out of life.

Anyhow, I will probably get the job. My manager at my current job got me an in, since she used to work there back when, and still is a barista. Coffee is LIFE. Especially at 6:30 am.

I am still patiently awaiting my new running shoes which are apparently on hold in Wisconsin right now. I keep checking the tracking and they've been at some center there for a day or so now. Just send em' to me. Running has really taken over a part of my life. I've made such good friends in my marathon class, and they're so interesting because they're from other disciplines than what I'm in. My good running buddy Erica, is in the art department. She has some good endurance, so I'm hoping she'll help me push myself the day of the marathon.

I still love the phantom. I can't stop talking about it, and I keep telling everyone to go see it. It's probably a good thing Megan didn't go with me to see it, though. She would have laughed. A lot.

I should try to get some homework and data analysis done since I've been slacking on it. My first research meeting is Weds, which I have to miss, since I work early that day now.

Yay!

2005-01-23T19:21:00.000-06:00

My new running shoes are shipped, and my new computer as well. Yay! Now, if I could just stop spending money. I also got new pink shoes.

I realized something tonight. While it may make you the better person to take the high road and not let people get to you, it's much more fun to bitch them out. And let them know you're mad. I also realized that my ex-friend who hates me for no reason, has had this problem before. She seems to have trouble staying friendly with people for more than a year at a time. So oh well and good riddance. I don't need people like that in my life.

Funny Things.

2005-01-23T18:20:00.000-06:00

#1. People who complain about people they've ostracized for no reason reading thier blogs.

By the word blog, ie. weblog...you are on the fucking internet. Get over it. Maybe get a journal if you want no one to read it. Or better yet, get a life.

Wow.

2005-01-23T18:00:00.000-06:00

It's been a week allready, huh? Where have I been? Wait. I don't think I want to answer that. Mainly I've been either cooped up at school or cooped up at work. This week was a bit draining, I had to get into the whole waking up before 10am thing again. In fact, I have a class every morning at 8am or before, so I have to get up at about 6:30 every day. Yugh. I think that's pretty much what led me into falling asleep in the middle of Wicker Park last night. I had gone to see the Phantom of the Opera with my mommy (which I thought was fabulous! I'll love you mr. scary opera deformed man...), and I got home around 11pm, took a shower, and then popped in my rental. I fell asleep in the middle of it.

I woke up at about 1am, shut everything off and crawled my weary way to my bed. Where I dreamed I was dating Brendan Fraser. I know! A girl could certianly do worse. Anyway, I didn't wake up until about 10:45 am, and then pulled myself together for work.

It was a little strange at work, I'm always surprised when Heath or Steve talks to me, like they're normal human beings. Steve started asking about school and junk, and what I'll do after I'm done. So it was a pretty good day.

I told my friend who hates me for no reason a couple of days ago that she's treating me like her ex-boyfriends, I don't feel I've done anything to deserve it. I have a birthday present for her, I've had it for weeks, but I don't think I should give things to people who don't acknowledge my existence, so it's sitting in my closet. Unused.

My run yesterday morning was freezing. I thought at one point that my eyes were going to freeze wide open, and it took a few minutes for me to recover. I really love my marathon class though. It's just so much fun. I like making new friends, which I have with my running buddy, Erika. The boys are also friendly, although Matt likes to make fun of me. Too bad there's really no one datable in Topeka. I'm so convinced I need to move to a new town. I've used up all my options here.

Who's got a case of the Mondays?

2005-01-17T13:36:00.000-06:00

I love Office Space. It is offically the last day of no school. I don't know that the 7am wake-up tomorrow is going to go all that well with me. I may be stopping by my work for some coffee on my way to my marathon class.

I don't know what to do with myself today. It's sort of nice, having the feeling of there not being anything you absolutely have to do, but I think I may wind up wandering the internet for a few hours. I'm book browsing, since my school has pissed me off and I don't want to spend more money there than necessary. I'm also shopping for my new home laptop computer. Yay! That's got me excited. I want something fancy. Maybe I'll even get a printer so I don't have to go to school or home so often.

Oh, and I'm reving up my resume. I think I will be applying at B&N, where I have an in through my manager at work, and then also at this new discount book store that's coming to town. And I could apply at the new Starbucks, but I don't like Starbucks all that much. So we'll have to wait and see, I guess. My Boss has lost his mind. I just wish I had more job security. I don't want to collect unemployment.

In a desperate attempt to save my soul...

2005-01-16T19:14:00.000-06:00

I was having dinner with the family tonight, doing laundry and stealing more records and junk, and it came up that I don't think I believe in God anymore. And I said something later, about how I enjoyed the "Jesus Christ Superstar" Soundtrack, and my papa was all "Do you want to borrow it?"

My response?

I don't like Jesus anymore.

Which isn't really true. I don't know what I really believe in anymore with regards to all that junk. I know I don't like the religious right, and I don't agree with religion interfering with state and schools. I think that people make decisions every day about what type of person they want to be, and I try my hardest to do the right thing in the end. I want to be one of the good guys, as cheesy as it sounds. I can't for certian say that there is something greater than myself in the world, with regards to higher powers, or for that matter, that there isn't. I still kinda like to think that there is some type of consequence for actions, and that the good guys will win, or whatever. But it's so often not true, and there are so many good people that have such awful things happen to them in their lifetimes, and how can you explain that away by saying it's God's plan?

Only one more day of freedom before classes begin again.

Oh now...Look what you've done...

2005-01-15T17:24:00.000-06:00

Yay! Saturday. Is it strange that just by it being a weekend day I am suddenly cheered? I can't do a long post because I have a date with a plate of pancakes and hopefully a wonderful movie. I'm supposed to see "In good company" tonight. I think that it might be a very very good movie, and I'm only basing that on my love of the music they play in the commercials. So I might be disappointed. But I think Scarlett Johannsen (sp?) is a fantastic actress, so it should be ok, at least.

This semester is exciting me a bit, I can't wait for classes to begin yet again, which is weird and a showcase of my geekiness since I have wonderful classes like Genetics and Microbiology in my line up. But I also have my marathon class. I'm excited to get my butt back in shape. And Chris, the guy who I like a little with the girlfriend is going to be in it again. I ran into him at Blockbuster the other day, where he apparently works, and he was so nice. He came up and said hi to me and my buddy, and actually caught me a bit off gaurd. He has some heart problem, and is always on a lot of medication, I think, but it says a lot that he ran a very good marathon last year (I think he finished in 3hrs and some change).

Heath actually acted like a real human being today and talked to me a bit. Which is nice. Hmmm. I should go meet my friend for dinner, I don't want to be late.

Is it Friday yet? Puh-lease??!

2005-01-14T10:29:00.000-06:00

The whole financial aid fiasco is sorted. Hurrah! It only took 2 days and my constant harrassment of one particular individual in the office to get me my freakin' money. Now, I have the joy of being the target of similar harrassment from my advisor. Who wasn't willing to help with my problems in the first place, mind'.

Place on top of that, my boss being crazy, a friend hating me for no particular reason that I can tell, and my stupid downstairs neighbor getting into a screaming FU battle with her boyfriend last night via cell phone, and outside, where I can hear them, and it's been a less than fabulous week.

So glad it's friday. And glad that I will supposedly have some money in my bank account next week. So that I can apply to my grad schools.

I'm really hoping I get into this program at Washington College. Mostly because it's in Maryland. I want to get as far away from this town as possible, and I'm not so sure Neb. is gonna cut it anymore. I could easily get used to the east coast. Heck, I've been there enough, I'm allready used to it.

Meh...I am dreading going upstairs to discuss all the crap that was requested of me from my advisor. Maybe I should just wait and tell her I didn't get the emails because of lack of home internet access....

Oooo and UC Davis is hiring for a research tech. I don't care so much which coast I go to as long as there's an ocean nearby.

On a good note, which perked me up a little yesterday, I had lunch with my Texas buddy again, since she was back in town. I also bitched about everything. If I get into the Maryland school and she gets into one in Vermont, we wouldn't be too far apart. I told her I was sad on Monday when I had to shop alone. I miss my shopping excursions with Rachel. Her baby belly hasn't grown much. I kept trying to get her to eat more.

I also gave Brandon a call last night. He didn't answer, but then I don't know if they are in classes again in Manhattan or even if he's still around in Lawerence. I might try again tomorrow, if I feel like it. I despise people today. In general.

Gonna kill someone. With my bare hands.

2005-01-12T13:45:00.000-06:00

I am soooo frustrated. School sucks. Especially my stupid institution. Apparently, they've decided I have too many credits or some junk, never mind I'm still enrolled as a double major. And haven't completed half the requirements for the Bio one. Bastards.

I am envisioning striding into the financial aid office, gun underneath my coat, and then whipping it out, screaming, "GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY!!! IT WASN'T YOUR'S TO BEGIN WITH!! THE GOVERNMENT IS OFFERING IT, NOT YOU FUCKERS!!!!"

Yup. I am angry with the world today. I sent an email to a financial aid lady and let her know my particular dilemma and perhaps she will let me slide. If I'm lucky. Bastards.

I can tell that we're gonna be friends...

2005-01-11T19:42:00.000-06:00

I like the new G. Love. He's very similiar to the old G. Love, but I was rockin' out to the booty call song on my way to my papa's house tonight.

Anyway. Was in a good mood, and now am feeling a bit slighted. Which is ok. I mean, I don't like feeling that people don't like me for some reason I don't understand, but if it's a good reason, than fine. Which I guess I don't think this one is. So whatever, it's not ok. But life goes on, right? Rar. I am making no sense. I think that actions tend to speak a lot about a persons character. A good friend told me that "People let you know who they are all the time. Just listen to them the first time." Good advice. Enough of my random ramblyness.

Not much new going on in my neck of the woods. I went shopping on Monday and bought myself a entire new wardrobe. Almost. It really was bad, I kept thinking, oh, I want one of those... Why not? So. Yup, I spent a whole lot of money. And I even drove in the yuckiness that has invaded the state of Ks. to do it.

I am thinking about calling Mr. Brandon, even though earlier I was entertaining the notion of asking Mr. Heath out to see a movie. If only I could make up my mind. About anything.

The Phlegm remaineth...

2005-01-08T17:55:00.000-06:00

Yup. My cold is holding on for the long haul, apparently. On a good note, I got all of my letters of recommendation put out. I'm just waiting for loans so that I can begin applying. I'm gonna be out something like $200 once I begin them.

Oh, to see Brandon, to not see Brandon... I am torn. I am ill, and I promised to go see a movie with a friend tonight...so I'm thinking I will get no snuggle action this evening. But I told my younger sister to tell him hi and that I will give him a call when I'm feeling a bit better. And when I'm no longer housesitting. Forgive me, the animals are driving me nuts. I am so used to being able to go where ever I want without a dog following me, this is making me miss my apartment. Badly. Plus the biotches are probably parking in my spot again. Rar! Stupid neighbors.

I saw Laura off today, at least said goodbye to her. She's leaving on Tuesday for Mt. Holyoke, and I'm soooo jealous. I'm going to have to go visit. The east coast is so much nicer than the middle of the country. Oh and I've never been to Mass. I'll have to go out there before I graduate.

I'm sort of praying that I get into a school further away than Neb., but beggars can't be choosers. I'm easy, I'll go where ever will take me. I'm hungry...

I have a sexy phlegm voice.

2005-01-04T13:59:00.000-06:00

Yep. Like Phoebe on friends when she got all sick and thought it made her sing better. I am somehow not looking forward to working tonight and possibly coughing phlegm all over people, that is, if anyone comes in since its sleeting and crappy outside today.

I've been in a bit of a daze the past couple of days, mostly due to the cold medicine, which makes me feel like I'm floating around on a higher plane of existence or something. And really, it makes the rest of me numbish. So my body's numbish and my head feels like a balloon. Joy.

The only thing that makes my yuckiness better is that I've been spending the past couple o' days getting my grad school stuff together. That's right, so I can get out of this place. YAY! And with my kickass GRE scores, I'm feeling pretty confident about applying to schools. If I can just get all the damn paperwork finished. I have allready asked all of my profs for recommendations, I just have to get them all the paperwork junk now. And then harrass them for weeks until they get it in.

The cold is not helping with the paperwork, since last night I realized I was putting 04' on all of my dates. Whoops.

Note to self....Tequila = Bad.

2005-01-01T16:48:00.000-06:00

My throat feels like I ate the cat I am currently housesitting. And it must have been whilst I was sleeping, because I don't remember it. Look at me. Using big words like whilst, even though I feel like a big pile o' poo. I'm either coming down with a cold or my allergies are acting up. Maybe both.

Well, what better way to begin the New Year besides being hung-over. Oh wait. I think I could come up with a bigillion better ways to start it out.

After the drama of last night, I am currently pondering the thought that perhaps clinical/counselling psych is my true calling. I sure felt the therapist vibe when I attempted to calm down my younger sister after her breakdown for about an hour. Granted, she had a reason to be angry. R's are haunting me today. I know. That's a weird way to put it, but it's what's floating through my brain.

First, I would like to touch on the whole "Brandon" subject. Yes. I happen to think that he just might be a nice boy. And I like cuddling with him. But it doesn't mean that I love him and will die if we don't end up together, as some people apparently assume. It takes more effort to win that sort of devotion from me. But at least, I can say that he seems like a good person. I need more of those in my life.

Ok, I digress. The R's that are haunting me. Respect. Regret. And lastly, but certianly not least, resolutions. I have no new years resolutions, except to maybe try to be a kinder, more understanding person. Maybe try not to instantly hate people like I have the past year.

Respect is haunting me, because I know how important it is to me. I have a lot of respect for myself, my friends, and my family members. Most of the time. I have a lot of standards. High ones, I guess. I respect myself too much do anything that would put me in a negative light with others. It may not lead me to being the most entertaining person ever, I'm not like the girls on Sex and the City or anything, but it lets me like myself ok. And, it keeps me from having any of the other r's.

Regrets. I always have felt that I need to live my life in a way that keeps me from having any of those. Which has led to me act a little crazy from time to time, but I never lose control of myself. I like to know what is going on with my mind, my body, and my life. I don't regret anything I have done, even if it has led to sadness, and I don't regret not doing certian things. I guess that's another "R". Restraint. I have a lot of that.

Meh. Dinner calls.

How do you afford your Rock 'N Roll Lifestyle?

2004-12-30T13:28:00.000-06:00

Well. It's been quite a week allready. I'm sad to say that I might soon be investigating my job options, and by that I mean the in-town part-time ones. My boss is a big looser. I know, I know, they say never to talk about the workplace in the land of bloggerdom, but I don't think my boss knows how to work a computer. Let alone a business.

Our coffee shop, which I love and work at despite my lack of raises, has been doing well recently. We've had days of double our normal sales. And so, today, I discover my boss has decided he just can't make ends meet. So he wants to cut hours. And not just payroll hours. Operating hours. He wants to close two hours earlier during the week, and cut Saturday and Sunday by about 5 hours. And he wants to work more.

Forgive me, if you can't make ends meet, maybe next time you shouldn't have a freakin' child. Or talk about bringing a second one into the world. I so do not need this stress on top of all of my worrying about my future. I mean honestly. How much worrying can one person do?

I need to stop watching VH1. It's stolen my soul.

Strip club virgin no more.

2004-12-27T14:50:00.000-06:00

Yeah. That's what I did last night. And once again, I'm glad to say I didn't have to buy myself a single drink. I did have buy passage into the strip club, but that's another story.

The evening began all with a couple (okay, a hundred or so) calls from my younger sibling. Asking me to go out with them. Since I had spent the earlier part of the evening with my friend who is living in Texas (Who is pregnant! I know! So shocking!) I was pretty much ready for bed when they tried desperately to cajole me into taking off into the night. Which I did, after a lot of coaxing.

I left the house at about 11pm and did not crawl my weary way into bed until about 6am. More like 6:30 even. Wow. It's been a while since I've been up that late, maybe since my last slumber party in middle school or some junk. Anyway. Brandon was there, and some cute things happened. I really don't know how much I had to drink...which could be a bad sign since I drove from the bar we occupied to the strip club to my younger sister's place. Bad idea on my part, but I wasn't too bad off.

Anyway. I was a strip club virgin. No longer. So were several of the 8 boys I was with, and my younger sister, which surprised me (the boys, not my sister). I got hounded for quite a while because a lot of the boys wanted me to get a lap dance. They even offered to pay for it. I did not accept, much to their disappointment. I was too into critiqueing the dancing.

Yeah. Oh and then I rode Matt down the stairs at Val's place. Sort of like a Matt-sled, if you can picture it. Paul and I both rode him together first, since Paul thought I was going to fly head over heels and crash or something. Very funny.

To round the evening off, I got some nice cuddle from Brandon. Yup. That Brandon. All I can say now is....Wow, what an evening.

Obligatory Christmas Post.

2004-12-24T23:26:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is the day, huh? Family celebration and all that? I envy my friend Megan who gets to sit at home and watch movies, although, just a little. I've done enough of that for the last two weekends.

I'm happy to say, so far, I haven't received many gifts that I look at and wonder...where did this come from, and what's it for? Well, other than the shot glass my sister and bro-in-law gave me. That resembles men's genetalia. I can't say that one will be displayed in some eye-catching spot back at my little hole-in-the-wall apartment.

I've began a house/pet-sitting engagement, and it's going well so far. The cat is a Manx, and so cute because he only has a little nubby tail, and he's very friendly. The dog is a standard poodle. I went to bed last night, alone, without either of them, and woke up at 4 am to the dog slurping. Loudly. On the bed next to me. So I kicked both of them out. I have a feeling their used to it. I'm in a bit of a petsitting mania lately, since my other Meghan is out of town, I am also checking in on her kittens. Which are equally cute. Dinah has spunk.

Well. Must get back to the family. I believe we're watching a montage of North & South. Don't ask. Really.

To have internet access once again...ah... Memoriesss...

2004-12-22T11:50:00.000-06:00

Well. I'm at home today, currently begining to tackle the mountain of laundry that's built up over the past couple o' weeks. Yay! I love clean clothes smell. And I have promised to Dr. McG. that I will no longer attempt to work on personal projects in the lab (ie. blog). I will use Dr. A's lab for that instead. MuWahahaha. Professors are so trusting. I actually did some work the other night there, about an hour and a half of data analysis. Yahoo. I used to enjoy being at school all the time, probably because it was a great place to get away from everyone. Now, I have my lovely tiny apartment for that. Which may lead to my dying alone in it or perhaps hoarding mountains of paperwork so that I can't find the door. Hey. It could happen. And with my slovenliness, probably will.

On other fronts, I got my grades. And. Well. I got what I expected. I passed Chem though. YAY! And that brought my GPA up a tad. But. Well. My genetics grade sucked. But I knew I would get it. Meh. School sucks the life out of me. And I got an A in comparative. Like there was ever any doubt, being the teachers pet and all.

Blargh. This grad school stuff is still freaking me out and I'm rushing around on the net today trying to get everything together. My deadlines aren't till Feb., but I still have to ask for letters of recommendation and attempt to not rush my profs. Add to that my GRE nonsensical studying, and I'm swamped. At least my X-mas shopping is over and done with. Rock on, gift certificates are the best thing since books.

Bah.

2004-12-20T15:50:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel like you did something wrong and you don't exactly know what it is? That's the way I felt upon entering the lab and seeing the big note to me on our white-board. "Angie - Please do not download or put anything on the computer. Thanx." Yeah. I don't know what I did...but there is a whole lotta junk on the desktop that is unrecognizable. And I'm too ashamed to go ask Dr. McG. about it. Although I will have to at some point. I leave that for a later day when I'm less pooped and have a better mood going.

I feel like the little kid who stole cookies even though their mom warned them not to. And I swear, I didn't do it.

Conversation part 2.

2004-12-16T19:55:00.000-06:00

I did something else today I'm not supposed to do. I chatted up Heath (tattooboy) again. Not intentionally... Here's what progressed:

Bun Hug: You want a cookie?

TB: Not really.

Bun Hug: I touched it. I feel bad about trying to sell it now. It's peanut butter and white chocolate chip.

TB: Well. Marilyn (his boss) might want it.

Bun Hug: And she won't mind if I touched it?

TB: No. Not as long as you didn't wipe it around the toilet seat or something.

Bun Hug: Because I do that with all my cookies...

TB: I kinda thought that you might.

Thursday is blah day.

2004-12-16T19:45:00.000-06:00

So. I have been avoiding you, o' blogger, love of my life. It's not my fault. I swear. I've just been so busy with work and sleeping my life away since I don't have to get up early for class. It just seems like there's no time left for the two of us. Not like there was before. I promise to make up for it. I'll get you something pretty for christmas. Something sparkly.

I spoke with my ex. I know. I know. I'm not supposed to and junk. But It was a really nice, thanks for a nice christmas card kind of talk. And to be honest. It felt a bit awkward. I mean, ok. I will never be over him. Try though I might and distract myself with other yummy people. I think the closest I have come to that is being not able to call him for 2 years because he was dating skanky Lawrence girl. And...yup. I've allready given into that again. Well. It was mostly out of my recurring fear that I will die alone in my apartment without the degree I want and never get into graduate school like I have wanted for the past 3 years, but what can I say. That doesn't make up for me going over to the dark place. The bad side.

I am so tired today. We have actually been swamped at work lately. Everyone and their mom wants coffee, apparently. We've done about $200 more than what we normally do the past 2 days. And tomorrow I get to work for a whole 8 hours, instead of my normal 4. I think I'm going to wear my America is Scary shirt and try to frighten off some customers. I'll let you know how it goes.

On the plus side, I finished both of my research papers today. I cursed my way through one of them, disagreeing with almost every change my professor wanted me to make. But I'm so glad to be done with them. For now. 2 more pieces of crap off my plate.

Work sucks.

2004-12-15T19:17:00.000-06:00

That is all.

HooRah!

2004-12-15T14:00:00.000-06:00

I actually got my butt out of bed prior to 11am this morning. It's been a while since that has happened. The occasion was that I needed to get some desperately craved exercise. That's right. I ran for a little over a half hour, and wow am I going to feel it tomorrow. My body's in shell shock from feeling blood rush through it again. It was good to get the heart pumping again. I always feel so refreshed.

I have bought all of my Christmas presents. I was having a tiny fit for a while about how I'm an awful awful ungrateful girl, but I think I'm over it now. I'm not going to stress about what I get or don't get. And I'm going to try and kick myself out of the "Bah humbug's" as much as possible. I've been way too grinchy and down for too long of a period.

I just have a lot of work to do over break, so it really doesn't feel like much of a break. Especially since I'm still here every day. At school. I had another night of freakage last night.

I started thinking about what I will do if I don't get into grad school. I really really really want to do animal behavior research, so pretty much my only option is to look for a lab that needs animal care technicians or something. I'm also keeping my eyes open for any out of the country excursions I could take, to help with other peoples research. Basically just anything to get me further into the field.

I also started thinking about my ex. He's been on my mind a lot lately. I think I tend to obsess over people. Especially the one's I really like. It's hard to make myself stop thinking about them. Thus my months of agony over the whole tattooboy situation.

Anyway. Wasn't thinking bad thoughts about my ex. Just things that I miss about him. Possibly because I was picturing him getting his X-mas card. I really really cared about him, a lot.

Things I miss about Herr ex-man:

1. The way he used to warm up my feet. I have cold extremeties.
2. The way he brought flowers home, the first month or so we were getting involved.
3. The way I felt I could say anything, and not scare him.
4. Wrestling & my pretending to smother him with a pillow. (I know, sadism is a bad thing...)
5. Just everything.

Wow. I make myself saddish again. On a happier note, I will run again tomorrow am. I need to keep in motion.

Google Searches...

2004-12-13T18:24:00.000-06:00

I am now #42 on the hit list for google, for all those searching for middle toe goes numb. The wonders of the internet will never cease to amaze me. I'm surprised the person went through that many sites. Wow.

A word, and yet, so much more...

2004-12-13T17:39:00.000-06:00

My new favorite word ever... stolen from a friend, whom also stole it from a friend. That is the best way though, right?

Here it is:

Fucktard

usage: In so many ways...

Noun:

"That idiot can't drive! What a Fucktard!"

Verb:

"He was just fucktarding about, he has no idea what he's doing."

Adjective:

"What a fucktard computer. It won't load!"

I could go on and on. I *heart* fucktard.

ah...to be a girly girl.

2004-12-13T14:24:00.000-06:00

I had the most ecstatic time last night. Not doing anything particularily interesting, mind. I just lazed about my apartment. In some silky pink jammies. I can't show what they look like because I can't find them on the website anymore. I rented a fabulous movie - Amelie. I absolutely loved it. It's probably one of the most romantic films I've watched, and I still totally loved it. It may also have been the chocolate, provoking my mood. Yum. I think I may have gained 80 lbs, but it was so worth it. It would have only been better with a glass of wine. Which I didn't have.

Then. I watched Ali after Amelie. That movie made me angry. I didn't realize that Muhammad Ali was such a womanizer, or that he'd been married 4 times. So I guess I got the 2 extremes of personality types, with those movies.

I really had a really good weekend. I think I was so much happier, to be able to laze about and not have to worry about going out and having to dress nice or anything. The only negative thing that I found out this weekend is that there's a huge data mess in the lab which I need to clean up. That should give me some hours of work at school, at least.

Oh. I watched Dodgeball the other night, and I also highly recommend it. It was very funny. "If you can dodge traffic, then you can dodge a ball!"

I'm being a bit lazy today as well. I have laundry to do, and then am going to head to school... speaking of which, I think I'm ready for my next load.

Feminism and cold toes.

2004-12-11T14:38:00.000-06:00

Ok. I'm better today. I really really am. Promise. I just have some girl issues I want to discuss today. I feel like I'm a typewriter missing a letter or something. I have been patiently awaiting the start day. Again. For me to start taking this new birth control stuff that will help my knees or some junk.

And, so that you know how much of a complete freak I am, I was keeping track of myself. When my last one was and junk. You know what I mean, my last period. I was a little like a clock, for the past two months. And now this crap. How late am I? 3 days? I'm not pregnant, for christsake. My body wouldn't recognize an attempt at fertilization were there to have even been one. It's been too damn long.

At least I have the day off today. So I've been knitting up a storm, starting last night, and reading my femi-nazi literature. This and this, more specifically. There is an excellent interview with Janeane Garafalo in Bitch. It vindicated my entire existence prior to the election. And made me feel happy that I'm not the only liberal out there.

I think its so insulting for women to call it femi-nazi lit. Keep in mind, my above comment is in jest, but a friend of mine actually called me a femi-nazi at one point for reading this book. Which is insulting, in a way, to any of the progress that women's lib has made. There's still so much more we could do.

I went for a jog this morning. And all I could think was "fuck. It's cold out." And my toes are still numb. On the right foot. I still haven't done anything about it, and I'm not too sure I absolutely have too. I mean, there is some feeling left.

Worse. Now.

2004-12-10T13:59:00.000-06:00

It seems I'm in a downward spiral. A very long one, and I just keep waiting for the next awful thing to happen. I'm tired of awful things. I want something good, for a change. So. Still depressed, even more so than yesterday, if it's possible.

The idea of my dying alone? It's still there, now compounded by the idea of dying alone without the degree I've worked an extra 2 years to get. Yup. My minor isn't working out so well. I just wish biology wasn't so difficult. Genetics is not going so well for me. Hasn't really for the whole semester. I think it's the workload compounded by not having enough time for it with all the time I had to spend on Chem. So. I basically needed an A on my final today to maybe get a C in the class. Somehow, since my notes I was studying looked like a foreign language to me, I don't think I pulled it off. I really sucked this semester. Big time. In everything. So. I can still get a bachelor degree, but more than likely, without my Bio minor, unless I want to kick myself in the ass and take two very hard courses next semester. I know what caused it really. I don't think I tried hard enough. And I loved the subject matter, it was just a matter of time and amount of effort required to pull off a decent grade. I didn't have it, what with work and other classes, and everything else. Biology is so much more difficult than any other subject. I don't think it helps that all the profs. seem to assume all bio majors are headed for med school. So they make the courses difficult to prepare them. I don't ever want to go to med school, but grad school would be ok.

If I could get in. Which I'm doubting. More and more as time goes by.

No. I don't think I'll be going out tonight, unless you want to see me cry into my beer. I don't even want to see that, so I won't subject others to it. I think I could be a very very bad drunk tonight.

I suck. I think I'm going to watch some movies that make me sad and curl up on my couch alone.

ah Fuck.

2004-12-09T11:57:00.000-06:00

I think that's my sentiment for the entire day. I tossed and turned all night. I contemplated slipping Lost in Translation into the DVD player once again, because I had a need to feel sad. That movie makes me sad lately. I don't think people know what they do to me. How they really affect me and all. Things get said that make me feel like my heart is getting pulled out. I empathize too much. So. Was in a bit of a funk last night. I even avoided Heathly when he came over to get coffee. I don't even want to try anymore, with him. And It's probably better I don't since I look like less of a psychopath.

I have made the commitment to go running with the group once again this saturday am. I'm not sure how that will work out. It's really been a while. I think I may be hurting. A lot. And not be able to breathe. But whatever. It will feel good to be out there again.

I am confining myself to the library today. I have much studying for Genetics tomorrow. My last test of the semester! Yay! And my notebook is due and all, so I've got that to work on as well.

Jealousy is a bad bad thing. I even get jealous of friends. And I don't know how to make it stop. And like the post from the other day. I was jealous of the woman that my ex was talking to. This is what makes me not like myself. When I get jealous and then spiteful and hurtful. The bad sides of moi.

Oh well. Maybe I'm just PMS-ing. Every day of my life.

If I gave it all away for one thing...just for one thing...If I sorted it out, if I knew all about this one thing...wouldn't that be something...

2004-12-08T13:38:00.000-06:00

Bun Hug! You must listen to yourself! Follow your own advice! Except maybe not, because lately, that would involve my dying alone in my apartment and no one noticing until the smell wafts from underneath my door.

I think my current problem, is that it's difficult not to care. To say "Fuck it all. I don't care and I'm desperately going to continue on with life like I'm not counting on anything." I like having the feeling I can depend on things, or on people. If I say I don't want to, then that means I isolate myself just that much more. I want to be able to rely on people, and have them feel they can do the same with me. Have them feel like I care about them and what is going on with them. I just always seem to mess it up one way or another. Perhaps I just care too much. About too much different stuff. People, even ones I shouldn't truly care about (especially according to my friends), the state of the world, how G. Bush is an absolute idiot. It really is enough to drive a person mad.

Whew! It's been pretty philosopical lately on the good ol' "Hugs, not Drugs" network, eh? I think I'm heading out to Best Buy to grab a new CD for myself. I'm going to stop by CD tradepost first, just to see if I can get it for cheaper. I may even pick up a christmas present or two. Good for me if I do, since I haven't yet bought anyone anything. I so despise the holidays.

Screw Santa. That's my happy thought for the day.

I had a long session of trying to bother and otherwise distract the dreaded ex today. And. Well. I'm a retrad because I let him view my top-secret blog. So. Now he knows his true nickname. If he comes back. But it doesn't mean I don't think he's a nice person. I just think I'm not lately. I echo libprincess's not being sure I like who I'm becoming lately. I just don't know how to fix things. With anyone.

Freakage.

2004-12-07T19:16:00.000-06:00

I started thinking last night, after crawling into bed at about 12pm, after my vanilla Dr. Pepper. Then, I started freaking out. All these thoughts started ramming their way into my brain. I realized I have about a month before Grad school applications are due. I am so so so scared I won't get in anywhere and will have to work a year until the next application date. Because honestly, where would I work? For a 9-5 job? At a zoo? I don't know. I'm freaking tho.

Really. What do I do if I don't get in anywhere? And everyone's like "well, you'll get in, no problem. You're a smart girl." I beg to differ. I may be smart, but there are tons of people who are way more intelligent than me, and I think they would probably be a likely pick for grad school before myself. So Scared right now. My stomach hurt all day at work. And I rambled through my grad school catalogue, picking schools at random. That's the bad part. It feels sort of like the lottery. Will I get in, or won't I? I hate anxiety. I'm going to go home and eat some pizza and watch Zach Braff. He makes me giggle.

What am I doing? Just curious?

2004-12-06T19:24:00.000-06:00

Why do I talk to ex-people? Honestly? It doesn't make me feel any better, and I don't think it makes them feel any better. So if no one is truly benefitting, why do I keep forcing myself through the same misery?

I brought my ex a cup of his favorite type of coffee today, and he was busy talking to this other woman, so I left a bit quickly. Then he came and found me. Said I left quickly. I don't know what is going on with him right now, and I'm not really sure I want to know. I hate how he knows what I'm thinking even when I'm thinking it though. I don't think he has the right to know me as well as he does, anymore. He gave that right up when we broke up. Or, to be more exact, when he took my little tiny heart out and stomped on it. I'm not too inclined to befriend people who do that to me, but its difficult to be intentionally mean. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of evilness that I just don't think I have in me anymore. I did for quite a long while, initially, but I'd like to think I'm better than that now. Even if I'm really not.

Ok. I'm depressing myself. Yay! New knitting needles! I keep forgetting to mention I've taken up the hobby again in my quest to become the ultimate old lady. I have two good friends who have offered to teach me to crochet, as well. Can you guess what everyone's getting for X-mas? I think I'm making my older sister a scarf, since she told me not to buy her anything. And I found the cutest pattern for some socks. Yup. I'm going to knitting myself into some sort of meditative state over the next couple of weeks. It actually is something that relaxes me.

I am a freakin' idiot.

2004-12-06T15:21:00.000-06:00

That's all I can really say right now for me. Maybe I'll elaborate later. But, as I was saying to a friend earlier, I really need to stop conversing with ex's. It's all fine and dandy until I feel like kicking myself in the head, along with everyone else.

Yay! Barnes and Noble onward!

The ultimate friend machine.

2004-12-05T18:28:00.000-06:00

This has been quite the weekend. I am now stuck working on Genetics lab crap that makes my braincells hurt. They are crying a little because they want to go home, and instead, I'm stuck here, in the lab, running gene sequences. Fantastic.

I felt a little strung out, until last night. I went out on Friday evening, and had a good time bowling, except that I suck at it. I had fun sucking at it. There were some not very nice people hanging out with us though, and the evening would have been much better without their personalities trying to cause problems. But it was still ok. Except, at the bowling alley, I ran into an ex. The original ex, if you will. The very first semi-serious boyfriend I have ever had. And he's engaged. This made me feel sort of little and unimportant, until I remembered I don't really ever want marriage. I give it till I'm 30. If I'm not married by then, I think I'll be ok by myself. I got smashing drunk, early on, and then had fun letting it wear off. I danced in the living room of a friends house. A lot. I dance well when under the influence, if I do say so myself.

Whew! I think I finally found the sequence I am looking for. Thank Gawd. Just thought I'd share. It has something to do with E. Coli. Yum.

Anyway. Friday was good. Saturday as well. I ended up not going to the bar to see the band play. Laura and her sister and I ate some pizza and watched Reality Bites. Which I love and they had never seen. Come on, dancing in gas stations? It doesn't get much better.

My buddy Megan from work had wanted me to meet her later that night to hear the band Liverpool play. Some band that does beatles cover songs or some junk. I had planned on meeting her, until I realized I looked and felt like crap and they have a dress code at the club. So that idea went out the window.

The best part of this story is, Megan saw my dad at the club. She and her bud Lena thought perhaps I had showed and spotted him, and then took off. How cool. To party with my father. There are various reasons I need to move out of this town, and that is a big 1.

Make it End.

2004-12-05T17:46:00.000-06:00

My hair does this funny thing. Well. Not really funny, since it pisses me off and forces me to fight it for about a half-hour every morning. It curls. A lot. Now, I know all you girls out there with straight hair are thinking "She's lucky. What's she talking about, fighting the hair?? I would kill for curls". But you would be wrong.

It never fails. I take an evening shower, and I wake up with literal ringlets. And, straight-hair girls, you do not want my fro. Honestly. Because it's not just curly, it's thick. Thick as in "Wow. I didn't know that hair could stand straight out to the side. Doesn't that defy the law of gravity?" Yup. That thick. I could shave off the bottom two inches of it, and you wouldn't be able to tell.

So I fight this monstrosity every morning. Except if I'm feeling especially lazy, like today. Weekends I tend to let my hair do what it wants. Which in fact is sometimes defying the laws of gravity. It's like it's saying to me "hah ha! Look at me! I can stand straight up and you can't do a thing about it!"

Needless to say, my straightening iron is worth its weight in gold. I have been tempted to try doing a relaxing treatment with it, but I'm a little scared of that, because it's pretty irreversible, right? And whilst I fight and bitch and moan about my curliness that comes back with every little rain shower or snowflake, I don't want it to be gone forever. And plus, I don't want to damage it that much.

File under: Always wanting what you can never have. And hating what you've got.

Funnyness

2004-12-03T14:32:00.000-06:00

I am thinking about how much it makes me giggle lately, to run into people from a long time ago. People you don't really want to see, maybe even don't expect to see. Like you hope they stop existing after you're done with them... Yeah. Essentially, I mean ex-boyfriends. Libprincess and I have been experiencing this weird week or two of running into people we aren't exactly sure we wanted to talk to, or see but end up doing anyway. Possibly, there is a point when there are just too many ex-boyfriends lurking and it's time to move to a new city.

I taunted the dreaded ex today. Which really is too bad, because he's not really a bad guy, I just was drinking his favorite coffee drink in front of him, and when he asked what it was, I gave an evil snicker. I told him I'll bring him one sometime soon. Especially since he lent me the Star Trek movie I've been dying to watch. Yes. Yes, I am a geek.

Not Better

2004-12-03T09:29:00.000-06:00

I'm still freaking out a little that my toes are numb. Yup. Still numb. Yesterday When I took a nice hot shower, I made sure to keep them under the warm water extra long. And derived no relief from it. Worse, I think it's spreading. My middle toe is now feeling a bit numbish. Freaks my shit out.

So. I am patiently contemplating seeing the school doctor. I hate to go and have her tell me I'm stoopid or something though. And I hate that I've been in there so frequently of late. But the numb feeling is just not cool.

I have plans for the entire weekend. Sort of. Weird.

Tonight:

-Bowling with the Psych club people (although it is not a club event)
-Then, we are invited to drink ourselves silly at an underage undergrad's house... I am not sure whether I will be doing this or if myself and my dear friend 42 girl will escape the madness to a bar where we can have a drink in peace. We'll have to see how it goes.

Tomorrow Night:

-Have been invited by a classmate to watch a friend of his play in a band in a very very seedy bar. Tried to talk Laura into going with me, but not sure of plans yet.
-Also, the bar is one where the dreaded Heath hangs out frequently, so I'm not sure going there is the best idea ever. Unless I was to find some cute boy to make out with in front of him. I like provoking jealousy.
-If this plan falls through, Megan has said we need to go to Tuckers. A very nice downtown bar where there would hopefully be lots of business men. I like a man in a suit. Yummy. She knows some guy whom bartends there, or some junk.

And I was going to try and lay off the liquor this weekend. I'm not sure what I can do, besides order cokes.

Boobies and numbness...

2004-12-02T13:58:00.000-06:00

Your Boobies' Names Are: The Bazoombas

Get your own Boobie Names

So the above is stolen from libprincess.

I have to admit I'm just a teeny tiny bit frightened today. One of my toes is numb. Not completely numb, mind, just sort of asleep feeling. And it's been that way since last night. Now, my feet are a little cold, but then they're always a little cold. And I took a nice steaming hot shower last night, which felt oh so good. Except I still couldn't feel my toe. So now I'm stuck, walking around feeling like I'm missing my fourth toe on my right side. Freaky. And I thought it might be due to my hooker boots, but for it to last this long? Can't be.

Plus, I spent some time at work this afternoon, and my buddy Megan said something about how Michael J. Fox first realized something was wrong when his extremeties started feeling like they were asleep. This is not reassuring. Not reassuring at all.

So. I think my possibilites are :

a. nerve damage from horribly painful hooker boots
b. neurological disorder (hopefully not parkinsons)
c. something that will go away

Please please please be letter c. I'm rooting for that one. I can't handle any weird illnesses on top of my current lack of men & academic success.

On a positive note, I got 12 hours of sleep last night. Hows that for rebounding?

To Do

2004-12-01T10:50:00.000-06:00

1. Pay Rent
2. Buy Lunch
3. Eat lunch and manage not to spill any of it on myself
4. Taunt everyone around me with my sexiness.
5. Kick Heath in the head. Hard.

I don't like my short horoscope today. I am a little addicted to checking it, just like I'm addicted to the Pitch Black - MD. Yum.

If you're in love -- or in like, even -- you'll stop at nothing to let the object of your affections know just how deeply you care. Just remember that the best things in life really are free.

Um. I'm poor anyhow, so I don't think I'll be buying anyone anything today. There may be some kickage in the head, though. I've got the boots for it.

Tartish...

2004-12-01T09:15:00.000-06:00

I feel a bit like a tart. I know that's a word you don't come across very often anymore, but there you have it. I'm wearing a plaid blackwatch mini, my hooker boots and boot socks and a deep v-neck sweater. I'm showin' just about everything I've got today. I just wish that for once I could have been on time to my 8am class and not walked in with everyone staring at me in my mini. Oh well. And my boots are killing my feet a tad. I trekked across campus to post to you, that's how devoted I am. In boots that kill my feet. I just don't understand how girls do it. I apparently don't have as much girliness in me as previously thought. I can't stand the clothes. Or shoes.

I am surprisingly not exceedingly cold, nevermind the snow on the ground still and biting wind. With my boots and socks, my legs are fairly well covered. I do need to get back to working out some though. Need to have something to keep the boots up, folks. I've even got some lacy slip type thing on. Wow.

And, for the record, I still didn't get any sleep last night. I'm hoping for tonight, after my chem exam. I was up until about 12:30am working on the poster. I'm a bit anal with my school work. I like perfection. Anyway, and then got up about 6:30am to get ready for school. And was still late to class. Argh.

I just noticed my legs are a very pasty white. Must be due to my not liking shorts much. They only ever get to see the sun when I'm running. Hey, sorry about that last post. I just noticed I sounded a little drunk, and actually, I think it was due to sleep deprivation. Made me a little flighty.

I am not looking forward to hauling my butt back across campus to Chem in about a half hour. I think I'm going to start walking early so as not to have to actually move quickly. I just realized I forgot to wear my rings today. I'll grab them at lunch. It's weird how naked I feel without them. I think I'm going to drive back to this building later, rather than walk.

I have a short short skirt on.

It's all in how you look at it...

2004-11-30T10:48:00.000-06:00

Such as this. Which could be viewed as an addictive form of dimetap, with extra caffeinne. It is yummy in a strange way. It is my second form of caffeinne for the day. I'm sure there will be two or more forms later on.

I got my poster semi-finished. I just have to scan in some pictures from books and print them out and then tape the whole thingie together. Fun times tonight. So it's good I did that, even though it resulted in less sleep. I even survived my early girl-doctor appointment today. HooRay.

What can I say? I'm wearing my "Mind the Gap" T-shirt, courtesy of libprincess. Tee Hee! It still makes me giggle. And wish I was back in the UK. That should be a song, instead of back in the USSR.

I like being busy. It's been a bit ridiculous with the lack of sleep the past couple of days, but I'm actually almost happy about it. I'm also just a little worried that if I slow down I'll crash and not be able to pick myself back up to finish everything on time. So, until the end of next week, I will have a supply of caffiene directed straight into my veins. Or stomach, I guess.

For my poster session tomorrow, I've decided to dress up. I'm glad to actually have a place to wear a skirt, for once. And my hookah boots. And I'll look all pretty. That doesn't happen very often. Plus, I don't have to work due to my evening Chem exam, so I won't get crap all over it.

GaH part 2.

2004-11-29T14:59:00.000-06:00

I forgot I have a poster presentation due Weds. Ugh. And I really wanted to sleep tonight.

1 down, 4.5 million to go.

2004-11-29T11:09:00.000-06:00

I got a paper done. Last night. And another partially completed. I just need to look it over. And I started a lab thats due in a week for Genetics. Now I just have the thing for the thing that's due in 2 hours or some such junk. Today is going to test my multitasking skills just a tad.

At least I don't have to go to chem lab for the whole period, I just have to drop off my paper(see above completion note), and check out my lab equipment. I have the "sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell." Song in my head. Cake rocks my world.

Again, I'm a bit spacey. I have a sleep deprivation hangover. 3hrs. just doesn't cut it for me folks. I was awake at 3am, and again at 6ish. Thank Gawd I work in a coffee shop and get free coffee. I don't know how I would survive otherwise. I'm just happy to have enough cash to run for some lunch in a few minutes. Ok. I need to run participants for Dr. McG.

Neighbors must die.

2004-11-28T20:35:00.000-06:00

I forgot to mention earlier that my neighbors are uber-stupid, again. They parked, once again, in my spot last night. Why can't other people have a little consideration for others? It irks me so much, essentially because I force my visitors to park on opposite ends of the building, and these biotches just park where ever they feel like. Bastards. I want them evicted. I called the "courtesy officer" last night after I got home about it, but he didn't call back, so I don't know if anything was actually done about it. At least the management will once again hear my message.

My other two nearby neighbors are actually ok. I've had a couple of stilted conversations with Jeb, who lives underneath me. Well. In the apartment under mine. And the girl across the hall is ok. I met her in a random way. But those girls that live underneath her. Yargh! And the ugly decorations they've plastered all over.

So. If you can tell, my paper writing isn't progressing very well. I got bored staring at my computer at home and decided to come to school to stare at this one. Dr. McG caught me blogging earlier. I felt a bit naughty about that, seeing as how I should be doing research and junk when in the lab, but he was pretty nice about it and let me use the lab downstairs. Now, I'm just all...don't find the site again, please please please. I don't want him reading my junk. Then he would know how wacky I am. I keep hearing noises in the hall. Which is significantly freaking me out. I'm going home to work on my homework again. Yay.

Blogger, how I despise thee.

2004-11-28T15:01:00.000-06:00

Why? I keep writing these huge posts about very non-important events/things, and they keep getting non-published. And I can't save them from the never-neverland of blogger. Try though I do. ARG. Do not incur my wrath, bloggerdom.

Here's a short recap:

Thanksgiving:

same-old, same-old. It was pretty good.

people actually listened to me. Significant, in that it doesn't normally happen(this may just be part of my middle-child syndrome rearing its ugly head).

Last Night:

Watched Bridget Jones, Part Deux.

Attempted to steal one Kat (in my mind, the best part of the evening). She's a spunkmeister. She didn't fit inside my sweater so well though.

Was jealous of the fight scene betwixt Mr. Hugh Grant and Mr. Colin Firth(also, the best part of the movie, and one scene that didn't make bile rise up in my throat). I want a boy whom attempts to drown the other boy whom has morally wronged me. That can't be too much to ask.

Friday Night:

Drank the rest of 1 bottle of wine, and subsequently tottered about my apartment for about an hour.

spent 3 minutes worrying about my becoming a wino.

Was stolen from said apartment, once. And driven to Lawerence.

Had 2 drinks bought for myself. One by a boy. Oh my.

Had 2 offers of being driven home. Both by boys.

one offer accepted, and awkward silence and conversation ensued.

realization that other boy whom offered to drive me home knows that I sorta kinda like him. Maybe.

realization I should have accepted other offer of being taken home. By the boy whom I kinda sorta like.

a very unexpected mooning that occured while leaving the parking lot (and thus, 1 ass I did not want/plan to see).

experienced feeling of never wanting to see another alcoholic drink again (following morning)

So. That's basically it. I think. I also gave some free cookies to Heath, and he reciprocated by not coming over to buy coffee anymore. I guess that's a clear signal, eh? I need to stop liking boys whom do not like me back. Very very soon. I have tons of work to do, so I best get on it, eh? I'll give a progress report tomorrow. Something around 5 papers to do.

Yay! Tuesday!

2004-11-23T19:59:00.000-06:00

Yay! Today was my last day of class. For about 5 days. Yay! Too bad I have a ton of work to catch up on for school. I'm contemplating bringing my lap-top out to my Grandma's on Thursday. Rock on.

I gave in today. I went and talked to the school doctor about woman medicine. Not really for any good reason, mind. It's been like 3ish? years since I've been on the stuff. I read an article in the paper yesterday how some women athletes have less knee injuries due to birth control. It makes there be less give or something. So I won't wobble around when I'm running. So I went and got me some. Sorta. I have a free sample for the first month, and I have to try and enroll in this plan to get it cheaper, if it works for me. I'm a little upset I have to go to the girl doctor again, it's been like 3 years since I've been for that kind of test. I know, I know. I should go yearly. Just hasn't seemed to be any point and it's not exactly something I enjoy... so I haven't been going. So now this will screw up my record. Darn. My doctor used to make me go yearly just so I could get the meds. I got a really low dosage, so hopefully I won't go off the deep end once I start taking it again.

Not much else new. I need to head home soon. I got home early last night, at about 6pm. It was so wonderfull. I never get home that early anymore. I'm too in love with you.

Yay! Pictures.

2004-11-22T15:17:00.000-06:00

I warned you. They aren't all that exciting. Just random stuff I mention from time to time. And Val, you should be excited since you have yet to see my apartment. It's like a sneak preview.

Yay! My test is over, and I'm done with classes for Thanksgiving Break! Well, mostly. I just have 2 labs left, one where I have to stop by at tonight, not to do anything, just to say hi to the teacher, and then one tomorrow where I do basically the same thing. Now, if I only did not have humongous craploads of work due once I return. Life would be peachy.

I asked Heath what is on his knuckles today. hehehehee. Boys are funny. Especially him. He's a weird type of special. Do you want to know? "Face" and "Heel". Wrestling stuff, I was informed. It makes me giggle. He's a biker wannabee.

My neighbors are so going to die. Someone was pounding on someone's door last night at about 3 am. I got no sleep what-so-ever last night, so I'm really looking forward to break. I crawled into bed at about 1am post Law and Order watching and read my chapter till about 2ish, and I didn't sleep well at all. So, there was the pounding, and then the looser boyfriends extra loud bass from his craptastic car as he left. Yeah. I wanted to hear about some "Bitches and Hoes" at about 3 am. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Plus, when I went home earlier today, not the blond girl, but another one, was making out with him in the parking space next to me. Which is also, not a visitor spot. Freakin' idiots. Anyway. Then I had to wake up at about 6:30. So I got...um...no? sleep? Something like that. Yay for caffeine.

Hugs, not Drugs

Post #301.

Everything in my body says not tonight...everything in my body says no...

If I gave you my number...would it still be the same?

What...Will bring me home...What will make me stay, stay?

I've had some time to think about you...on the long...drive home...

Hmmm

new blog...

Yay! #2

Seriously. Who did I kill in a former life?

I love the night-life...

Work Yuck

Yay!

And the hits just keep on coming...

And the truth comes out...

Man. Oh man. (part deux)

Its a halloweenie roast!

Would you like some more whine?

The cold and the couch...

Hehehe. You've got to be kidding...

Another day, another dollar.... Well... not really.

Meh.

The good and the bad...

I don't know what to say...

Man O man...

the almighty "Flying Spaghetti Monster" ... How great thou art...

Look Ma! I'm Famous!

Wow!

On the loudness of the roommates.

Monkey thoughts

sick and tired...

Bitchfest

Can it work?

So sleepy...

I am a googly googly girl

Damned Red White and Yellow! #@!*

The natives are friendly!

Lovey-Dovey, Lovey-Dovey all the time...

Another month down. Almost.

Damn.

Ah well...there goes may.

Flabbergasted...

Zonkers Batman!

What in the world?

So COLD.

Well.

*Sigh*

Make the yuckiness end!! Please!

UGHh.

So Sleepy...

Wow.

Yay! part 2.

The first day of the rest of my life...

YAY!

Oh yeah.

Yay!

Funny Things.

Wow.

Who's got a case of the Mondays?

In a desperate attempt to save my soul...

Oh now...Look what you've done...

Is it Friday yet? Puh-lease??!

Gonna kill someone. With my bare hands.

I can tell that we're gonna be friends...

The Phlegm remaineth...

I have a sexy phlegm voice.

Note to self....Tequila = Bad.

How do you afford your Rock 'N Roll Lifestyle?

Strip club virgin no more.

Obligatory Christmas Post.

To have internet access once again...ah... Memoriesss...

Bah.

Conversation part 2.

Thursday is blah day.

Work sucks.

HooRah!

Google Searches...

A word, and yet, so much more...

ah...to be a girly girl.

Feminism and cold toes.

Sigh